


Little crack story

by Rinfantasy



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Akakuro - Freeform, Crack, Humor, KuroAka - Freeform, Multi, OOCness, sometimes I think I'm crazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4896439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinfantasy/pseuds/Rinfantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AkaKuro/ KuroAka crack. Warning OOCness</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

_Winter Cup final 1_

 

Akashi congratulated Kuroko “ ...Is your team victory. Congratulation”

Mayuzumi went to them “ I gave Akashi to you like promised, I want the full collection of Hagure Yuusha no Aesthetica and High School DxD”

Kuroko smiled “Thanks you Aniki”

“Call me Oni-chan” Mayuzumi replied.

Akashi felt his world falling apart, Kuroko sent a spy to him! Mayuzumi was the phantom big brother! Who knows what the gray head blurted out! Like when he forced the taller phantom to drink a lots of milkshake, or when he praised the light blue haired teen. When he made a Kuroko's shrine on the student council room or when he brought pictures of the smaller phantom from the black market and made Kuroko's dolls!

“But you fought during the match!”

“Nice performance, isn't it?” Kuroko said. “ Right, lil bro” Mayuzumi replied.

“Now Akashi-kun, I have a whole year of blackmail material against you, so you are mine” Kuroko said with a evil tilt on his eyes “Call me Master”

Akashi felt like his whole life was a lie.

 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_Winter cup final 2_

 

“The Winter Cup winner is Seirin”

Seirin team cried from the joy, they hugged each other and yelled relieved “ We don't have to confess naked to ours crush!”

Akashi listened to them _they had such a burden?!_ Rakuzan team thought _they won because they were really desperate!_

Rakuzan captain thought about Kuroko's crush. Akashi made a serious face like Kiyoshi when he say an idiocy _I'm Kuroko crush!_ Ah, his superior complex spoke! The red head imagined a naked Kuroko confessing his love for him. He cried bitter tears, He let slip such a opportunity! _Is this defeat?_

Mayuzumi observed his captain from the distance and while he was reading the red head's thought, only a word came in his mind, _pervert_.

 

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Kuroko was the player who came from America. When the GOM gathered before the Winter Cup._

 

Akashi with a scary aura went down the stairs “You are Taiga partner, Kuroko Tetsuya” he swung the scissor toward Kuroko's face. The phantom didn't move. Akashi stopped when the scissor touched the skin. Heterochromatic eyes met deep light blue. Akashi felt his heart beat faster and he lost his breath “Why didn't you dodge it?”

“I knew you would stop, also I couldn't take my eyes away from you. I think I fell for you at first sight” Kuroko replied with deadpanned voice.

“I always win therefore I always right! I'm absolute, I don't need another person!” _Why do I feel so flustered and jumpy?_

“We can be absolute together” the phantom took Akashi's hand. The red head blushed deep and completely shaken chased away Kuroko's touch “Stay away from me” Akashi screamed scared, he ran away in full speed.

Kuroko smirked “It's more fun when they run” the phantom disappeared from the GOM sight.

The Generation of Miracles stayed paralyzed mouth faltering. This was the first time they saw their captain so afraid! And there was someone so crazy to fall in love with this psycho?! _The world is wide._

 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

Akashi went to Kuroko's house, but the phantom wasn't there. Kuroko's mother welcomed the red head and lead him to her son room. Akashi would wait Kuroko there. Akashi saw on the phantom's bed an object very familiar to him. On Kuroko's bed there was Akashi's teddy bear that he lost during middle school second year. The red head was assaulted by the memory between him and the stuffed toy. How much he love it! The teddy bear accompanied the red head boy during his lonely childhood! When he lost it, Akashi cried alone for three months!

Akashi pondered why his teddy bear was there. Did Kuroko steal it? The Rakuzan captain imagined the phantom hugging with love the stuffed toy every night for three years. Akashi took out his scissor and stabbed repeatedly the teddy bear until there was only a shapeless mess. Jealousy is a very bad thing.

 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_if Kuroko and Akashi swapped body_

 

Akashi inside Kuroko's body, cried alone on a corner. Nobody could see him, Nobody talked with him. Nobody remembered him. He couldn't order or threatened others! He wanted to hear praises! He wanted to see the people completely in his control! Akashi's mind wandered on an ominous path _Do I really exist?_ Akashi started to doubt his own existence.

 

Kuroko sat on a big throne. The people kneeling under him. A simple gently smile and kind deeds were enough to conquest the heart of the people. All of them raised toward the sky a vanilla milkshake “Long live to the Kaiser!” Kuroko inside Akashi's body smiled mischievous, _excellent_.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the cracks are amusing

_if Kuroko was a girl_

 

“Akashi-kun, I'm pregnant” the phantom said with the usually poker face and deadpanned voice.

Akashi spilled the water he was drinking “ Can you repeat that?”

“I'm pregnant”

Akashi felt the whole world collapsing. He felt like he was run over by a train! How could he, the perfect boyfriend, make such huge mistake? The phantom would go though the harsh reality of a teen mom! She would bear the malicious gossip from the neighborhood! He had to take responsibility!

“Tetsuya, we will go through this together!”

“Akashi-kun, what date is today?”

“1st April” Akashi was assaulted by the revelation like a cat catching a mouse.

“Happy April fool, Akashi-kun” Kuroko smiled smug.

Akashi fell on his knees relieved, but he felt a bitter taste in his mouth. Maybe Akashi liked the idea to become father a little bit.

 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_April fool 2 Male version_

 

“Akashi-kun, I'm pregnant” the phantom said with the usually poker face and deadpanned voice.

Akashi, quite calm replied “ Males can't be pregnant, Tetsuya”

“It's true” Kuroko insisted.

Akashi pondered why the phantom would lie like this. He saw the date on the calendar.

“You thought you could fool me, Tetsuya? I'm always win therefore I'm always right, come with a more credible lie”

“It's true” Kuroko kept on.

Akashi ignored the phantom.

_Six months after_

“Tetsuya, you quite fattened up” Akashi stared the phantom.

“I'm not fat, I'm pregnant” Kuroko replied.

“Today isn't April fool. How long do you want your lie to last? You are too stubborn”

“Akashi-kun is the stubborn one”

“ You should admit you are fat Tetsuya”

Kuroko gave an ignite pass kai to Akashi's stomach.

_Nine months after_

Akashi phoned the phantom “ Tetsuya, where are you?”

The phantom answered “ Sorry, Akashi-kun. I'm giving birth. Can you call me later?”

Akashi said calmly but with a tint of anger in his voice “if you didn't want to come, you should tell so! Don't lie!” Akashi closed the call.

_Three weeks later_

Kuroko went to Akashi with a little baby boy with red hair “I'm thinking to name him Seiya. Do you like it?”

Akashi fell on the floor fainted. Kuroko caressed the child's head “Don't grow up an idiot like your daddy, okay?”

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Kuroko was a vampire slayer_

 

Akashi swing the scissor toward Kagami. Kuroko stopped the smaller red head's arm and put a wooden stake near Akashi's heart by habit.

Akashi was speechless “Tetsuya, what is the meaning of this?”

“Sorry Akashi-kun. My habits got the better of me. The old vampires want to make me give birth to a new generation of vampires. So I became a vampire slayer out of self defense”

Kuroko looked at Kagami “Let's go Kagami-kun” the Seirin duo left like nothing has happened.

Akashi stared the GOM dead serious “ We are going to become vampire slayer as well!”

The GOM protested “ Why?”

“Only me can have Tetsuya's virginity! And...”

The GOM followed the red head pace “ And?”

“...I can't allow Tetsuya to fall in love with a sparkly vampire swearing eternal love!”

Aomine sweat dropping replied “ This isn't Twilight, Akashi”

“You are right, but I'm going to kill all of them to make sure” Akashi smirked.

The GOM foresaw the doom of the whole vampire race.

 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Kuroko was a exorcist_

 

The demon wickedly laughing threatened “ Try to touch me now I take possession of your precious boyfriend!”

Kuroko with a poker face still on threw holy water toward Akashi's face. The demon yelled from the pain “Don't you care about what will happen to your lover?”

Kuroko cracked his fists “Until you stay inside Akashi's body, you will regenerate him” the phantom started to hit Akashi. Kuroko threatened “ Try to leave Akashi's body and I will send you to a place worse of the Hell”. The demon was completely frightened.

Kuroko gave punches and kicks “ This is because you always brag to be perfect! This is because you think to be superior, you are too arrogant! This is because you stole my vanilla milkshake...” and the list went on.

_Next day after the exorcism_

Akashi woke up feeling sore. In the afternoon the red head went to a date with Kuroko “ I feel like I received a good beating”

Kuroko with his poker face replied “ You are imagining it, Akashi-kun” and slumped his vanilla milkshake.

 

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

The GOM were chatting. Kise said “ If Aominecchi was a animal he would be a panther!”

Aomine replied “ You would be a dog, Kise!”

Murasakibara added “ Mido-chin would be a rabbit, because he is like a carrot”

Midorima got angry and replied “ You are a glutton like a bear!”

Murasakibara didn't take it as an offense and instead said “ Thanks you”

Kise kept the talk “ Akashicchi would be...” the GOM together said “ a lion”

Aomine pondered “ What animal would Tetsu be?”

Akashi smirked smug “Tetsuya would be a howler monkey” the GOM looked at him confused.

Akashi explained “You don't have any idea how much he screams during sex...”Kuroko karate chopped the red head neck. Akashi fainted. The phantom took out an hammer “I will erase your memory about this conversation”

The GOM slowly withdrew scared. The phantom smiled “Don't worry, this will hurt only a little bit”.

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_If Kuroko blackmailed Akashi_

 Kuroko smirked “raise slowly the skirt”

Akashi, wearing an english maid uniform with a frilly white apron, crossed his arm “No, I won't do it”

Kuroko with his poker face, showed his cellphone to the red head “Are you sure, Akashi-kun?”

Akashi growled at the accursed machine that held his deepest secrets. The red haired boy slowly raised his long skirt and showed red lingerie “I didn't know you was such a pervert Tetsuya”

Kuroko simply stated “I'm Aomine-kun best friend” like this explained everything.

Kuroko added “Next time you will wear cat ears, they match your eyes or a sexy nurse outfit. Pink is definitively your color”

The red head sighed and threatened in his mind _enjoy it until I get that damned cellphone Tetsuya._

The phantom smiled smug “I know you love seeing my gaze filled with lust for you”

Akashi blushed. He couldn't deny it.

 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Kuroko doesn't like males_

Akashi confessed with all his courage his feeling to the phantom “Tetsuya, I love you!”

Kuroko bowed “Sorry Akashi-kun, I don't like men”

Akashi's heart broke in tiny peaces, How was it possible? He thought Tetsuya was the perfect Uke! Instead the blue haired teen rejected him. The red head couldn't bear the pain and ran away.

_Next day_

Midorima pushed his glasses “Akashi went to live in America”

Kise said “Poor Akashicchi! he couldn't bear to live in the same country with Kurokocchi!”

Murasakibara said “Aka-chin...”

Aomine didn't talk.

Kuroko felt a little guilty.

_Two year later_

Akashi returned from America and knocked Kuroko's door.

The phantom opened the door and saw a young girl with long crimson hair and heterochromatic eyes.

Kuroko breathless could only mutter “Akashi-kun?”

Akashi smiled “Now I am a girl you can't reject me. I'm absolute and always get what I want”

Kuroko felt the love arrow piercing his heart. He is moved. Akashi loved him so much that he changed his sex for him!

Kuroko smiled “You are right” and offered his hand.

Akashi smiled joyful and took it. His/her hard efforts were rewarded.

_Next day_

Akashi with Kuroko met the GOM. The GOM were astonished.

Midorima said “Did you get into trouble with your father?”

Akashi answered “This isn't Meiji era, I can inherit the company as a female, and my father confessed me he always wanted a daughter that looks just like mother. We also had a shopping date together.”

Kise said “Akashicchi! you can go with me and Momoicchi to do shopping next time!”

Murasakibara said “Aka-chin can buy me cakes from those girly cafe”

The GOM adapted to the change very fast, they were simply happy Akashi come back but Ahomine had to ruin the moment “It was better if you have gotten bigger boobs” the tanned teen stated.

Akashi took out her scissor “Die!” The GOM prayed for Aomine soul.

_That evening_

Aomine returned to his home barely alive. He went inside his room _There isn't any better than Mai-chan photobook to heal my tiredness._ Aomine searched for the book but couldn't find it. Instead he found a note “ if you insult my girlfriend, I will burn yours”

Aomine yelled all his despair “Testuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Akashi was Cinderella_

Akashi was quietly drinking his cup of tea when his stepmother Nijimura entered in the living room “Akashi! Why aren't you cleaning!?”

“Because Shougo is doing for me, mother”

Nijimura yelled “You make your brothers clean for you every day! You have to do it as well!”

Akashi made a sour face “I don't indulge myself to do lowly work”

Haizaki and Murasakibara entered in the room as well. Haizaki threw the duster on the floor “I will never do something for you again!”

Akashi said with malice “Atsushi” the giant replied “ Yes, Aka-chin. Zaki-chin I will crush you”

Nijimura was about to intervene when he heard a knock on the door.

The black haired stepmother welcome Takao in the house “You are the royal messenger, why are you here?”

The three brothers stop their killing activity to listen.

Takao with a strong voice said “You are all invited to the royal ball as bride candidates for the prince of this country”

Haizaki yelled “But we are men!”

Takao smiled “The prince swings both ways! I must leave now, Shin-chan is waiting for me!” the boy greeted goodbye and left.

Akashi smirked, this was an occasion to kill the prince and seize the throne! Nijimura knew the calculative looks the red head was doing “No, you won't come with us Akashi!”

Akashi made a horrified expression “I want to go too, mother!”

Nijimura shook his head “Nope. This is you punishment for not cleaning!” the black head turned to face the other brothers “Haizaki, Murasakibara get ready, we are leaving” said boys replied “Yes, mother”.

Nijimura and the two brother left. Akashi was alone inside the house. He was furious! He let slip such opportunity! He only wanted seize the crown to gain the power to find _him_! Akashi revisited his memories fondly.

**flashback**

Akashi was jogging in the forest when he saw a boy with sky blue hair bathing in the river. Akashi was enchanted by the boy and went to him. The light blue haired boy introduced himself as Kuroko. Soon the two of them become friends. Didn't take much time for Akashi to fall in love with the light blue head. Kuroko was beautiful and kind, with a very cute smile. Unfortunately a day the blue head never went to the river again. The red head couldn't find the boy anywhere. Therefore Akashi made the decision to become King and make a search warrant for Kuroko. The red head never learned the words “give up” after all.

**End**

Akashi was plotting a way to go to the ball when he heard someone talking “Pardon my intrusion, Akashi-kun” the red head turned to see a masked boy wrapped in a mantel, with a wand on his hand. Akashi said “Who are you?”

The masked teen replied “ I'm only a mere Harry Potter who passed by”

Akashi glared him suspicious “Harry Potter doesn't wear a mask”

The masked boy replied “The voice is the same” Akashi rolled his eyes and asked “ What do you want?” the masked teen answered “ I know you want to kill the prince. I will help you!”

Akashi said sarcastic “with what? Your magic power?”

The magician said “ Why do you use magic, when you have money?” he took out his cellphone and called some people. Soon Kise, the most famous fashion designer of the realm, arrived with a charming outfit. After him, Hayama the faster coachman of the realm was ready to bring Akashi to the ball. Akashi stared him astonished. The masked boy said “ What murderous weapon do you want? The red head replied “scissor”

The masked teen argued “you will use a poisoned red apple”

Akashi said “This isn't Snow White”

the magician simply stated “Because you are Aka(red)shi” the masked boy used his wand and made appear the poisoned fruit.

Akashi and the magician entered inside the carriage. Akashi asked “Do you want to go to the ball as well?” the masked boy denied “I'm coming because I must pay the travel expensive”.

When they arrived to the castle, the magician gave a potion to the red head “Drink it, this will help you” Akashi asked “How?”

the magician only said “Trust me” after he threatened “If you don't drink it, I will send you to your home” the red head didn't have any choice and drank the potion. He didn't feel any different. The red head felt a little relieved.

Akashi went inside the ballroom. He quickly found Murasakibara, you can't miss a giant. “Aka-chin” greeted the purple head. Akashi gave the apple to Murasakibara. He had to avert the suspects from himself. “Find the prince and give him this apple. Tell him “This is a present from that person there” and you shall point the person who will tell you who is the prince. Did you understand?” the giant nodded “Yes, Aka-chin” and the giant started his search.

Akashi went to the buffet. He had only to wait. He was about to take a little pastry when he heard a monotone voice so familiar to him “Good evening Akashi-kun” the red head turned to see Kuroko in his whole glory. Akashi almost lost his voice “Kuroko what are you doing here?” the teal head chuckled a little “It's so weird to be in a ball where every young of the realm was invited?”

Akashi hugged the boy. He will never let him go again. The red head loosened the hug and stared Kuroko with intensity. Akashi said “I love you” he didn't want to have anymore regrets.

Kuroko smiled to him “I love you too”. Akashi was so overjoyed he lowered his head to kiss the teal head, but Kuroko stopped him “Give me the kiss after the ball, please” Akashi asked him “Why?”

the teal head fingered “Because I'm shy” the red head sighed “Okay”. Kuroko smiled again and Akashi's heart melted.

Afterward some love talks, Kuroko said to Akashi “I must speak with my friend on the other side of the room” Akashi replied “Come back soon”. The red head observed his lover talking with another red head with splint eyebrows on the other side of the ballroom. Some minutes after, the red head saw his brother giving the poison apple to Kuroko. Akashi's heart stopped. Kuroko was the prince! He ran toward his lover but he was too late. Kuroko bite the apple and fell on the floor.

Kagami yelled “Prince! Someone calls the royal doctor!” Midorima went near Kuroko, he examined the prince. He felt the pulse and sighed. The green haired doctor watched the giant clock on the wall “Time of death, Midnight”.

Akashi couldn't believe this! He took Kuroko's corps and like a madman he tried to wake him up “Please wake up! You can't be dead! I order you to wake up” Midorima stopped Akashi “It's useless. He is dead.” Kagami yelled to the crowd “The ball is over!”

Akashi cried. He remembered what Kuroko said to him before and between the sobs he muttered “The ball is over so I can give you a kiss, right?” the red head gave a caste kiss on the prince lips.

Midorima took away Kuroko from Akashi's arm. The red head protested but he was blocked by Kagami. When the royal doctor wasn't seen anymore, Kagami let go of Akashi and walked away.

Murasakibara touched Akashi's shoulder “Let's go home Aka-chin”. The red head lifeless followed the giant.

They went to Nijimura. The stepmother wanted to scold Akashi but seeing the current state of the red head, he didn't say anything. When the family returned to their home, Akashi hid himself inside his room. Akashi cried, he murdered his lover! His heart couldn't bear it.

Akashi heard a knock and the voice of the magician “ Let me in Akashi-kun”

The red head became furious! It was the magician's fault he killed Kuroko! He will take revenge for his loved one! Akashi searched for his scissor. He took it and went to open the door. Akashi let in the masked boy. The red head went behind the magician and tried to stab him but the masked boy turned and used his mask to block the hit. Akashi saw the magician's face and almost fainted “You startled me Akashi-kun” Kuroko said with a monotone voice. Akashi was breathless “Why are you still alive?” Kuroko answered “the potion I gave you before entering the ballroom was the antidote. When you kissed me, you gave me back my life”

Akashi was speechless “You are the magician! you knew I wanted kill you! you gave me the poisoned apple and you ate it! Why?”

Kuroko said “I didn't want to inherit the throne. I wanted to became free and realize my dream! I want to be a fairy godfather!” Kuroko sighed “but the only way to elope was faking my death. I'm sorry Akashi-kun for using you like this.”

Akashi asked him “Why did you choose me to kill you?” Kuroko smiled “Because the only one who can kill me and revive with a kiss is you. I love you, Akashi-kun”.

The red head didn't know if he wanted to cry from the joy or stab him from the anger to be played. Akashi sighed, none of this mattered anymore. He found Kuroko. He archived his goal.

The red head asked him “Who will inherit the crown?” Kuroko answered “My cousin Mayuzumi. He will be happy. He can finally make the harem he wanted so much.”

Akashi put the scissor away and hugged Kuroko. With a smug smile and eyes full of lust, he said “After all this, don't you think I deserve a reward?” Kuroko stared him with the same desire. They started to make out...

Aomine fell from the bed. Wo _w! Such a weird dream. I will never eat a apple pie made by Satsuki again!_ The tanned boy returned to his bed. He hoped tomorrow he will have the strength to restrain his laughter seeing Akashi face, otherwise his death won't be fake, but very much real.

 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_if Kuroko didn't play basketball and his weak presence was much weaker_

 

The GOM stared Aomine talking to a void space. Kise cried “Aominecchi has a imaginary friend! He must feeling really lonely!”

The situation escalated. Aomine always brought a popsicle for his imaginary friend. Talked with him during lunch break and when they went to home.

Aomine also started to talk wonder about this so called _Tetsu_.

The GOM were so worried, the tanned teen couldn't distinguish between dreams and reality! Therefore a day they faced Aomine. Akashi was the speaker for the whole group “Aomine, your so called friend Tetsu isn't real! Wake up!” Aomine laughed to them “Tetsu is real. He is only difficult to see. Sorry but I must go. I have an appointment with him” and left.

The GOM lost their hope. What can they do? Call a mental hospital? Akashi didn't want to lose the Ace of his team thus he simply ordered to ignore the tanned teen weird quirks.

One day, Aomine was absent to practice. The GOM were frightened Aomine lost his final piece of sanity and become mad.

They felt a hand pat their shoulder. The GOM startled, turned to see a beautiful boy with sky blue hair and big blue eyes.

Kuroko said “Aomine-kun wanted me to tell you he caught a cold so he won't go to practice for the next three days”

Midorima asked him “ Who are you?”

Kuroko bowed “I'm Kuroko Tetsuya”

Midorima glasses cracked. The green head started to pray to Oha Asa. Murasakibara stopped to eat. He was petrified with his mouth open. Kise yelled crying “ Aominecchi madness had overtaken us as well! All of us will go to a mental hospital!”

Akashi instead fell in love at first sight. He took Kuroko's hand “I don't care if I will go mental. become my imaginary lover instead of Aomine!”

Kuroko pushed Akashi's hand away. The blue haired teen looked at each one of them and said blunt “You are crazy” Kuroko walked away.

That night Aomine looked at his cellphone. There were death treats from the GOM minus Akashi. The tanned boy read the red head message “I will make your imaginary friend mine”.

Aomine wondered about how long they will take to understand Tetsu was real.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I made Aomine as a special guest in this chapter. If you wandered why in the fairy tale Akashi didn't recognize Kuroko's voice the first time, It's because Kuroko didn't talk monotone when he acted as the magician.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time the theme is animals! I'm sorry if the cracks aren't funny

_If Nigou become human_

The members of Seirin basketball club were speechless. Fist they saw Nigou playing happily with the ball next he jumped toward Kagami. Kagami, God has mercy on him, ran away scared and tripped over his feet and fell.

Nigou licked the face and lips of a petrified Kagami and suddenly a puff of smoke appeared. When the smoke cleared, on top of Kagami there was a boy with eyes identical to Kuroko. The hair was black and the eyebrows white. The boy was naked apart the collar on his neck.

Kuroko wavering said “Nigou?”

Nigou, hearing his master calling him, got off Kagami and hugged Kuroko “Master!”. In the same time the gym door opened.

That day Akashi finally mustered his courage to confess his love to Kuroko. He returned to Tokyo and went to Seirin. Naturally for some not known reason, maybe instincts, the others GOM also went to Seirin.

At the door of Seirin gym, Akashi glared them. They came to ruin his confession! But he would never surrender to adversity! The red head opened the gym to see a naked boy hugging his Kuroko.

Akashi was shocked and with a barely controlled voice said “Who are you? What are you for Kuroko?”

Nigou happily let go the phantom and said “He is my Master!”.

Aomine said “Wow Tetsu... I didn't know you was into this... he also wears a collar...”

Kise cried “My innocent Kurokocchi is goneeeeee!”

Midorima's glassed cracked. He was so red he couldn't speak.

Murasakibara didn't care and kept on eating.

Kuroko said “I can explain... isn't what you are thinking...”

Akashi interrupted him “Why didn't you tell me? If this is your preference than I will accept it. I love you. If you need a M, I shall be yours”

All the basketball players yelled astonished “What?”

Kuroko was moved and replied “ You are willing to become a M... for me?”

Akashi nodded “Yes, but only when we are alone, please. I have a reputation...”

Riko taking pity on Kuroko, wanted to clear the misunderstanding “Wait, Akashi-kun... Kuroko isn't a...” but pity was misplaced because Kuroko took out from his pocket a pink collar with rubies embed on it.

Kuroko smiled “When I saw it I couldn't not to buy it. I always wanted to see you wearing it. May I have the honor to put this collar on you?”

Akashi smiled “Yes, you may Kuroko” the phantom went behind Akashi and put the collar like it was a necklace. He said sensual “My parent and grandmother won't be at home this week. Do you want to sleepover at my place?” and smirked “I shall teach you thoroughly how to be a good slave” Akashi was thrilled “I would love it Kuroko” the teal head smiled “First lesson: It's Kuroko-sama”.

The phantom took Akashi's hand and they started to walk out of the gym.

The GOM stayed silent except Kise who was still crying. They wanted to erase with bleach this day from their memory. Seirin team as well. Kagami yelled to the new SM couple “Kuroko! Wait!”

Kuroko stopping turned to face Kagami “What do you want Kagami-kun?”

The taller red head said “What are you going to do with Nigou?”

Kuroko smiled sadistic “Nigou became human because you kissed him like a princess of fairytales. Take responsibility, Kagami-kun” Kuroko and Akashi left the gym.

On Nigou popped up dog ears and a tail “Let's play Kagami-kun!”

Kagami yelled frightened “Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Akashi become a cat_

Akashi thought he had to be drunk. Otherwise he couldn't explain to himself why he had paws instead of hands, a long tale and he was completely covered with red fur. Akashi looked at the mirror in his room. He has become a cat! A gorgeous one he had to admit. But he didn't have the time to despair or admire himself at the mirror, because a maid entered his room.

The maid said “How did you enter inside? The young master will get angry” the maid took Akashi and threw him outside. Oh, Akashi really will get angry! How did she dare to chase him outside his home!

Akashi walked in the street thinking about where to go when he heard a monotone voice “Such a cute cat”

Akashi turned to see Kuroko. Akashi said “Kuroko help me!” but the phantom only heard “Meow”.

Akashi scratched Kuroko's pants “Do you want to stay with me?”

Akashi paused a moment, why not to pass the time in the company of his teammate? The cat meowed in approval. Kuroko smiled. Akashi's heart beat faster. Kuroko rarely smiled. He suddenly felt happy to be a cat.

Kuroko took Akashi at his home. Kuroko gave him milk. Akashi got angry, _Are you mocking my height, Kuroko?_ but after remembering he was indeed a cat his rage disappeared.

Kuroko wanted to play with his new pet. He made roll a ball of wool near the cat. Akashi stared the fluffy ball, _I won't play as a lowly kitty!_ But instincts had the better of him and Akashi chased the ball and played with it. After play time, Akashi became ashamed of himself. He had fun too! He was so abashed!

Kuroko felt the cat's mood “Are you sad?” and caressed the cat. It felt so good! Akashi was near the point to purr, but he restrained himself. I couldn't add shame to himself anymore. He sooner gave up though and purred. _Only because is you Kuroko_ , he tried to justify himself.

Kuroko said “Before I can put you in my bed I must clean you” and carried Akashi in the bathroom. Poor Akashi, Kuroko didn't know cats are scared of water! After all he only had dogs!

At normal conditions he would enjoy a hot bath but his cat instinct screamed frightened and he wasn't alone. Kuroko didn't give up and washed every inch of the cat. Akashi felt violated.

After the bath they went to bed. The phantom gave to Akashi a goodnight kiss and the cat fell asleep in Kuroko's arm.

Akashi opened his eyes. He watched Kuroko sleeping face and felt warm inside. He remembered what happened, but something felt wrong. He looked at his paws... there were hands instead. He has returned human! How could he explain it to Kuroko? Akashi was so embarrassed! He settled to run away before the blunette could wake up.

The next day Kuroko greeted Akashi like normal but the red head ran away from him faster than Aomine could do. Akashi couldn't face Kuroko for a whole week.

 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Kise was a hunter_

Kise walked toward the grandmother house in the wood. He had to save Little Red Riding Hood from the jaws of the Big Bag Wolf!

When he arrived at the door he heard weird sounds and screams. Did he arrive too late?

Kise opened the door to see a innocent looking wolf with sky blue hair tied in the bed with a red head boy on top of him kissing his neck. Kise was glad there was a blanket, he didn't want to see what was happening inside. Near the bed, on the floor, the red hood lay forgotten with the others clothes.

Akashi stopped his actions and looked at Kise. With a terrifying aura he said “Go away” the blond completely frightened ran away at lighting speed.

After he was very much far away he took out his cellphone and composed a number.

“Animal Protection speaking. What do you need?”

Kise cried “A innocent wolf is being raped by a red demon! Please save the wolf! Please save Kurokocchiiii!”

Only Akashi could make the Hunter to beg help for the wolf sake...

 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_If Kuroko didn't find Nigou but another animal_

 

Kuroko watched the gray squirrel with a dark pink polka dote ribbon. The squirrel also looked at Kuroko. The phantom said “Do you want to stay with me?

The squirrel replied “Yes, I do. I don't like to sleep outside”

Kuroko's eyes widened “You can speak! And you voice is like someone who I know... What is your name?”

The squirrel answered “I'm Juli. Your name?” Kuroko replied “Kuroko Tetsuya. Nice to meet you” and bowed.

Juli said “To thank you for taking me with you, I will protect you from the bad wolves!”

Kuroko said “You don't need to do it! Tell me you love me would be enough for me”

Juli replied “Okay Tet-chan I love you”

Kuroko smiled smug inside his mind, _this feel like Akashi-kun confessed to me_. The phantom carried the squirrel on his shoulder.

 

_At the GOM gathering before the Winter Cup_

 

Akashi said “Sorry, I kept you waiting Daiki, Ryouta, Shintaro, Atsushi and Tetsuya. I'm happy to see you again. The fact...” Akashi was interrupted by his own voice? “Onoreeeee!” from a tree Juli jumped on Tetsuya's shoulder. He took a fighting stance “Wolves! Stay away from Tet-chan!”

The whole GOM stared Juli shocked. That squirrel could speak! And he had Akashi's voice!

Akashi was having an internal crisis, _How can a lowly animal have the same voice like me?_

Aomine was the first to talk “Wow he has Akashi's voice. It's so fucking weird!”

Midorima prayed to Oha Asa “Please this can't be real. A squirrel can't speak. Not with Akashi's voice. I going crazy”

Kise said “He so cute-suu!”

Juli looked at Murasakibara that was eating in the mean time “You overgrown purple wolf bring me nuts!” Murasakibara replied scared “Yes Aka-chin!” and ran away to the nearby convenience store with Akashi yelling him “Atsushi! He isn't me!”

Juli said to Kuroko “Ne Tet-chan, How about do we ditch these wolves and go back to home? Let's take a bath together and sleep in our bed!” Kuroko nodded “Okay”

Juli said “I love you Tet-chan!” Kuroko smiled “Me too” and the duo walked away.

Aomine said “Woah! It's like Akashi confessed to Tetsu. And the sentences before sounded so wrong and pervert, right Akashi?” Aomine turned to face his ex-captain.

Akashi was petrified from embarrassment. he was completely red from head to toe, _I swear I will kill that damn squirrel!_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are little extra about the last crack.

_extra 1_

Akashi was leaving the locket room in the Winter Cup building with his Rakuzan teammates.

Mibuchi said “Sei-chan, Why are you coming with us in the hotel?”

Heterochromatic eyes glared the shooter “Why shouldn't I?

Mibuchi smirked clearly amused “Shouldn't you have a special night with your boyfriend?”

Akashi was astonished “Excuse me? My boyfriend?”

Mibuchi replied “The cute Seirin phantom! Before we heard you talking about love, bath and sleeping with him tonight! Oh my god, Sei-chan! Talking about this topic in public like this...you are so bold!”

Nebuya laughed “Ahaahah, you became a man!” and gave a pack in Akashi's back.

Hayama said “I didn't think Akashi-captain was capable to call someone with a nickname... Tet-chan was it? Well, good luck for tonight!”

Mayuzumi said “Next time refrain to brag about your sex life. No one in the whole building want to hear it” he approached Akashi and gave him a condom, like the good senpai he was.

The uncrowned generals and Rakuzan phantom left a petrified Akashi. The red head took some moments to link the clues together and the anger grew inside him, _That damn speaking squirrel!_

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_extra 2_

Akashi was inside a wide church, the walls were decorated by white roses. All the basketball teams playing in the Winter Cup sat on the benches also decorated.

Next to Akashi, there were Kise crying like a fountain muttering “congratulations” and Murasakibara muttering something about wedding cake.

In front of Akashi stood Midorima wearing priest clothes. 

In the opposite side of the altar, there were Aomine in tuxedo and a crying Momoi in a lavish pink dress.

Akashi was confused, _What is happening?_

Suddenly a wedding march was played. The basketball players rose up. The church door opened. Kuroko wearing a white suit and a bouquet in his hands, marched toward the altar escorted by Kagami. When Kuroko stopped near him, Akashi understood,  _this is my wedding with Tetsuya!_

Midorima said “Do you swear in the name of Oha Asa and the God above to love each other until death do us apart?”

Kuroko and Akashi replied together “I do”

Midorima kept the talk “With the power conferred upon me by my lucky item and a license given to me by the States I declare you husband and husband! You can kiss”

Akashi said “I love you” and he was eager to kiss the soft lips of his just become husband but suddenly Kuroko grew taller, becoming a giant. He picked up Akashi with his hands and said “I love you too, Juli” the scene changed in third POV and Akashi saw Kuroko kissing the gray animal. Akashi was the squirrel!

“AAAAAAAAAHHHH” Akashi woke up screaming. He looked around and saw the hotel room. Panting, Akashi felt relieved, _it was only a nightmare_. The red head moved his hand and felt something on his bed. It was a postcard.

Akashi brought the postcard near his face and stared at it with attention: there was a photo of Kuroko wearing the white suit and the squirrel on his arm. Under there was written “We got married”.

“AAAAAAAHHHH”Akashi woke up screaming, this time for real, _that squirrel will be my death!_

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_extra 3_

Akashi was resolute. He's going to dispose the squirrel. He lost his reputation, he lost his sleep but there was something he could never give up, therefore he decided to kill off the animal for good.

Akashi left on the floor near Seirin locket room a trail of nuts till a desert hallway.

After waiting for an hour, which he spent playing shogi on the phone, Akashi heard the sound of someone eating. Akashi went to see and found Kagami eating the nuts on the floor.

Akashi stared him aghast. Kagami, caught in the act, blushed. Kagami said in hurry “Please don't tell anyone!” and ran away. Akashi shook his head to chase away this memory and prepared another trail of nuts.

Akashi waited, this time playing chess, until he heard someone eating. He went to see and this time Murasakibara was eating. Murasakibara shameless said “The three seconds rules” it's a pity that an hour has passed.

Akashi rolled his eyes “Atsushi, come with me. I will buy you some snacks” the giant happily followed him.

Akashi finally was successful in the third try. Hidden in the hallway, the red head observed Juli eating the nuts. His evil smirk grew as the squirrel was coming near him. When Juli was near the entrance of the hallway, Akashi caught him.

Juli screamed “Let me go, you evil wolf!” Akashi felt weird listening to his own voice struggling but he couldn't yield. This was for the greater good!

Akashi took out the scissor he stole from Midorima and aimed it on Juli. Akashi was ready to act when he was interrupted by Kuroko's voice “Akashi-kun, what are you doing?”

Caught in the act, the Rakuzan captain unintentionally let go his pray. Juli fell on the floor and jumped on Kuroko's shoulder. Behind the phantom there were Seirin team, and the GOM. Juli screamed “Tet-chan, he tried to kill me!”

Kuroko glared the red head “Why did you try to kill my pet Akashi-kun? This is mean even for you”

Akashi wanted to run away but the basketball players were blocking his path. Also Kuroko's blue eyes paralyzed him like a magic spell. Damn, he couldn't lie to those eyes “Because the only one who can tell you I love you with my voice is me”

Aomine said “OI! Don't steal my catch phrase!” but the tanned player complaint went unheard.

Akashi kept talking “I love you Tetsuya. Only me has the right to tell you so. You are mine, only mine”

Kuroko replied monotone “Akashi-kun doesn't own me”

Akashi glared Juli “Do you love the squirrel so much? I won't allow you to marry him!”

All the basketball players looked at Akashi shocked, marry a pet? has he gone mad?

Kuroko laughed softly “Akashi-kun is so silly” the phantom approached Akashi and kissed him. The basketball players received another shock again. Juli got off the phantom's shoulder.

After the kiss, Kuroko said “You don't own me because I belong to myself but this doesn't mean I don't love you, Akashi-kun” the sky blue haired boy turned to face the squirrel “Sorry Juli. This wolf caught me for good”

Juli reluctant surrendered “Don't return too late in the night”

Kuroko smiled and took Akashi's hand “Let's go to a date”

Akashi overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events could only nod and followed Kuroko outside.

Seirin and the GOM snapped out their stupor. They looked into each others eyes and agreed together “Let's pretend that nothing has happened” and walked their separated ways.

Juli looked at the exit and sighed, _Perhaps Tet-chan was the biggest wolf after all._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment otherwise Juli will cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time the theme is age with a bit of crossover  
> Like always I'm sorry if the cracks aren't funny

_if Kuroko is a year younger_

 

Akashi, even though he was attending Rakuzan, decided to visit Teiko, his middle school. He wanted to see his younger lover by a year, Kuroko Tetsuya.

The ex-captain walked to the gym. Akashi gave his role of captain to Tetsuya after he graduated. He naturally had the utmost trust for his lover but he couldn't help to be curious, _I wonder how Tetsuya is faring with this role._ And for Akashi, every excuse is good to visit him.

When the redhead opened the first string gym's door, he could literally see the hell on earth: people running smiling and crying at the same time, people laughing in pain and madness, people puking from the exhaustion.

Akashi observed the gym but there wasn't any sign of Tetsuya. He recognized the vice-captain and went to ask him “Where is Tetsuya?”

the vice-captain seeing Akashi exploded in tears “Akashi-senpai!” the others basketball members hearing this scream, turned theirs face and saw their ex-captain. They ran crying toward Akashi with a happy expression on their face. Akashi was astonished, was he so loved by his Kohai?

Akashi repeated again “Where is Tetsuya?”

The vice-captain replied “Captain isn't here?” completely scared the basketball members shook their face left to right, after they sighed relieved, their captain indeed wasn't here. Like he was hit by a lighting the vice-captain exclaimed “Ah, captain today has the meeting with the coach!”

Akashi was disappointed, he went here for nothing. He started to go out for being stopped by his kohai “Please, wait Akashi-senpai!” the redhead a little annoyed said “ Speak your business with me”

the whole basketball club bowed in tears, as the chosen voice the vice-captain said “Please return to be our captain!” Akashi heterochromatic eyes widened “What?!”

“Captain Kuroko love for basketball is too great for us! He trains until he pukes, so we also must do the same. If we skip, he find us, there isn't any place we can hide, he haunt us like a ghost! And we can't complain because we don't know if he is near listening! Captain is happy when we practice so we smile despite we are too tired to keep going, if captain overcomes his limits we must do it as well or we'll lose our self-respect as a basketball player! And worse he cheers for us and support us, he speaks of dreams, teamwork and ideals so we can't disappoint him, otherwise we feel guilty and worthless, because all of us love him!”

Still crying their heart out they kept the ranting “At least when you was the captain we could quit anytime and keep our sanity hating you and your training regime Akashi-senpai! Please save us!”

Akashi remembered the time he made Kuroko a basketball player and after a captain, and now looking at the sobbing bunch near his feet, he could only think, _I created a Monster._

The redhead smirked, _I'm so proud of you Tetsuya._

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_if Kuroko is older_

 

Akashi with the rest of the GOM excluding Kuroko entered into a night club.

Aomine said “Why are we here again?”

Akashi said “We are here to talk about Tetsuya's birthday present and this is the last place he would go so we are sure he can't eavesdrop us. Luckily our looks can pass us for adults”

They sat in the Bar and started talking when they were interrupted by a very familiar voice. The rainbow gang turned their face to see Kuroko drinking beer with other four adults: a silver haired man with dead fish eyes, a girly man with long black hair, a curly head with sunglasses and a very loud laughter, and a short man wearing a purple Kimono with embroidered golden butterflies, he was smoking and had an eye covered.

Akashi surprised said “Tetsuya, What are you doing here?” this claimed the attention from Kuroko and the other four “My very same question Akashi-kun, Midorima-kun, Aomine-kun, Murasakibara-kun and Kise-kun. This isn't a place for kids”

Gintoki scratched his head “Who are those boys?”

Kuroko replied “My fellow classmates who graduated middle school with me, the new generation of miracle”

Katsura was outraged “This isn't a place for young like you, your parents would cry seeing you here. This is inappropriate! The young generations are living in the corruption, we must rise the dawn of the new Japan!”

Gintoki said “Shut up, Zura!”

“Zura ja nai, Katsura da!” and Sakamoto kept laughing like a fool.

Akashi ignored them “Tetsuya, you are a kid yourself, you can't lecture us, and who are these men? They are clearly a bad influence for you if they permit you to drink alcohol”

Takasugi and Gintoki laughed, Sakamoto joined them only because he always laughs “So they don't know? Your appearance is deceitful like always Kuroko”

Kuroko sighed “Akashi-kun, they are my friends and middle school classmates. Also I can drink because I'm twenty-six.”

The GOM eyes widened “What?” Akashi clearly shocked said “How is it possible? Explain Tetsuya”

“Because I was forgotten very easily by the school system I couldn't advance grade. Thanks to Akashi-kun becoming the president of the student council and do the paperwork I could graduate” he bowed “Thank you Akashi-kun”

Kise said “Poor Kurokocchi, remain in the same school for ten years more! For me would be a nightmare!”

Midorima said “Why did you never tell us Kuroko?”

Kuroko replied deadpanned “You never asked” the GOM sweatdropped.

Aomine said “Tetsu, why didn't you tell me?! You can buy me porn, alcohol and rent R-18 video!”

Akashi, Kise, Murasakibara and Midorima looked at Kuroko with pity, _perhaps for this he never told us._

Takasugi said “Kuroko, would you introduce us to your friends?” and made a puff of smoke.

Kuroko nodded “They are Shiroyasha Sakata Gintoki, the Mad lord Katsura Kotaro, Loud person Sakamoto Tatsuma and the Captain of Kiheitai Takasugi Shinsuke. They are the previous generation of miracle”

Gintoki said teasing “Don't forget yourself the phantom fifth man Kurokono Tasuke! ahahahah”

Akashi repeated “Kurokono Tasuke?”

Kuroko sighed for the childish behavior of his peer “Because I played basketball, like the phone game the rumors distorted Kuroko no Basuke to Kurokono Tasuke. If Kise-kun wasn't here, I wouldn't be demoted from fifth to sixth. Die Kise-kun”

Kise cried “Kurokocchi, so mean!”

Akashi said on behalf of himself and the others GOM “It's a honor to meet you senpai-tachi”

Sakamoto said “I miss those days, we were the most powerful gang in the whole Japan, AHAHAHHA!”

Gintoki said “Let the past sleep, our peaceful present has the most value, to be honest I want to forget all of you big idiots”

Katsura replied “I can't believe you became a teacher Gintoki, and why are you called Ginpachi-sensei? poor your students, they will grow stupid! they need someone who lead them, someone like me!”

Gintoki vein popped “At least I don't walk with an old man dressed as a giant white penguin!”

Katsura yelled “Don't offend Elizabeth!”

Sakamoto intruded “Calm down! We are friends! Let's not fight...blup” Sakamoto puked because he drank too much.

Gintoki and Katsura took Sakamoto and rushed to the toilet before they started to throw up as well. At the stunned looks of the younger boys Takasugi and Kuroko could only sigh, _way to go to give the impression of respectable adults._

Takasugi extended his hand to Akashi “Takasugi Shinsuke, Kuroko's Best Friend”

Akashi took the hand “Akashi Seijuurou, Tetsuya's Boyfriend”

“I always win therefore I always right”

“I just want to destroy everything, until the beast stops whining” Takasugi and Akashi looked into each other eyes and reached mutual understanding.

Kuroko said “It's time for my shift at the Bar. Akashi-kun&co, go home it's late”

Midorima said “For a once I agree with you Kuroko”

Kise said “Kurokocchi, you work at this bar?”

Kuroko said “I'm an adult, I don't want to be jobless. Sadly there aren't many jobs you can have without high school degree.”

Aomine said “Tetsu, give me a cocktail!” Akashi glared the tanned boy “Daiki” because he didn't want to die, Aomine stopped his action without saying a word.

Kuroko in the same moment he was pouring some yakult to Takasugi, smiled “When I get my paycheck, let's have a nice date Akashi-kun”

the redhead smirked “Are you being my sugar daddy, Tetsuya?”

Kuroko poker face didn't change of a millimeter but the redhead discerning eyes could see the pout. Akashi chuckled “I'm kidding love. I look forward to the date. Have a nice work night” and gave a peck on Kuroko's cheek. “Was a pleasure to meet you Takasugi-san. Give my regards to the others” Takasugi smirked “Likewise” and drank his precious yakult.

The GOM went out the night club. Akashi said “I'm calling the chauffeur. Wait me here” and walked near the street. The boys were a bit overwhelmed by the new finding but Kuroko's age didn't really matter that much so it was okay.

Suddenly Aomine came to a new realization “Now I understand why from all of us, Tetsu fell for Akashi!” the others GOM listened interested, Aomine smiled “Tetsu has a fetish for shorty with Chuunibyo syndrome!” Midorima, Kise and Murasakibara sweatdropped.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_crossover with Detective Conan_

 

Kuroko didn't know what to do, he only wanted to visit his boyfriend in Kyoto! Why has he become a child again?! luckily Akashi told him that Rakuzan handicraft club was sewing child clothes to give to orphanage children for charity, otherwise he would be also naked.

Kuroko hid himself in Rakuzan library, Should he tell it to Akashi? Or should he lie to him and say he went abroad to study? Kuroko felt he got himself into a quite dangerous situation and he didn't want to involve Akashi.

While he was pondering, Akashi entered inside the library and saw Kuroko “Tetsuya, what's happened to you?”

Kuroko kept his poker face and tried to fool Akashi “Tetsuya? I don't know any Tetsuya, my name is...” he looked at the books “Akutagawa Junichirou”

Akashi eyes narrowed “Tetsuya, do you think I'm stupid? you clearly just read the author's names from the books nearest to you, at least you could choose a less famous name”

Kuroko sighed “How could you tell who I am?”

Akashi smiled proud “My love doesn't have boundary, I can find you even if you become an animal or a plant! I have a Tetsuya's radar inside me!” Kuroko sweatdropped.

Akashi ignored him “But returning to the point, How did you become like this?”

Kuroko replied “I was walking toward Rakuzan when I heard a scream in a dark alley next to your school. Why is there even a dark alley next to a school?”

Akashi said “no rumble Tetsuya”

“Because I couldn't leave a miserable soul in need, I went to see what was happening. There were two man dressed in black beating up this man. I can't stand bullying so I intervened. Oddly they didn't overreacted to my sudden presence like they were trained to act at any circumstance. After, they beat me up as well. Next, they made me swallow a pill and I fainted. When I woke up I was in this form.”

Akashi nodded in understanding “Tetsuya, we don't know who are those men in black and their aims but they are surely dangerous. I can't leave you alone in this situation. You will live with me”

Kuroko replied “Akashi-kun, I don't want to involve you and be in danger”

“Rubbish! Why to have power if I can't use it?! I will mobilize the whole Japanese police force if necessary. I will make you to return normal”

Kuroko said “What if you can't do it? What if I remain a child?”

Akashi replied “No sense, Tetsuya. I'm absolute. But to answer you question, I don't mind to wait ten years for you”

Kuroko blushed a little “Bakashi-kun...”

Akashi smirked “I love you too”

_Time skip_

Mibuchi, Hayama and Nebuya stared at a lovestruck Akashi while he was staring his cellphone. Next he packed his belonging.

Mibuchi said “Sei-chan, Where are you going? You are so joyful”

Akashi smiled so sweet that the uncrowned generals felt like their eyeballs was melting with acid, how much they envied Mayuzumi who escaped from this agony by graduating.

Akashi replied “I'm bringing home with me my significant half, how can I be unhappy?”

the uncrowned generals unsure could only said “Understood... See you tomorrow”

_Time skip_

Nebuya, Hayama and Mibuchi were walking home when Hayama said “Ah, today I must escort my little sister to home from elementary school. Sorry guys!”

Mibuchi replied “We don't mind it. Let's go”

the trio went to the elementary school and saw a limousine parked, and Akashi waiting at the gate.

“What?!” they couldn't believe their eyes, Akashi smiled loving to a little kid and brought him to his car, but shouldn't he bring his lover at home with him? They thought in unison, _oh my God! Akashi is a pedophile!_

From that day, the uncrowned generals couldn't view their captain the same way again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't understand why there aren't many crossover with Gintama, I mean they made a parody of Kurobas and they have a Kuroko there!  
> I'm accepting requests for this fanfiction, if you want something of particular PM me or write it in the comment, but it must be AkaKuro/KuroAka and humor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the requests I received. I hope you like them! If these weren't what you wanted I'm deeply sorry!

 

_If Oreshi and Bokushi are twin brothers_

 

Seijuurou entered to the clothing-sport store, he was in a quest to find the perfect gift for his lover. Kuroko's birthday was coming up soon. While searching, Seijuurou saw a black set of wristbands with gorgeous lines of sky blue and it was branded! Kuroko loved wristbands! So much he had a collection of them! This was perfect!

When the red head was taking said object, he touched another hand with the same intent like him. Seijuurou looked at the face of his rival, his eyes widened, he was Seishiro, his younger twin brother with heterochromatic eyes and an emperor complex! Still it isn't like Seijuurou didn't have self confidence either...

Seijuurou made his prince's smile “Look like we had the same idea little bro”

Seishiro said “Those wristbands are mine, find something else!”

Seijuurou replied “I apologize but I saw them before you, you should find something else”

Seishiro grinned “Do you think you can go against me? even if you are my older brother I always win! Lower your head and leave those wristbands to me!”

Seijuurou retorted with sarcasm “Maybe my memory is falling me but I don't remember ever being defeated by you, listen to your older brother and find another gift”

Seishiro smirked, his heterochromatic eyes burning like a flame “Nope, you should listen to me, these wristbands are mine!” he quickly took said object but Seijuurou was fast as well and grabbed the other end.

“Let it go” Seishiro was near to growl.

Seijuurou kept to smile but it was clear he was very annoyed inside “I was first, you let it go”

Seishirou didn't give up “I order you to let it go, otherwise something of bad could happen to you!”

Seijjurou replied “Your threats don't work on me. I'm your older brother I know how to deal with you, stop to be so shameless!”

Seishiro spat “You are the shameless one! Whose older brother you are, fighting over wristbands with your younger brother!”

Seijuurou pondered a moment and sighed “You are right, this is stupid, as the mature one, I will leave these wristbands to you” he released his grip.

Seishiro eyes narrowed “Are you implying I'm not mature? I'm childish? I don't need your pity! You are right, you are first so you take them!” and handed the object to Seijuurou.

The older twin withdrew the object near Seishiro “I already said you can take them”

“Nope, you take them!”

“Nope, you!”

“You!”

Seijuurou sighed again “We can't reach a conclusion like this. Let's find something else both of us, do you agree?” Seishiro nodded.

_Kuroko's birthday, inside Kuroko's house, there are only Kuroko and the two Akashi for now._

Seijuurou handed to Kuroko a set of black gloves and a scarf “Because I know how much you hate the cold Kuroko” the young phantom kissed the older twin on the cheek “Thank you Akashi-kun” Seijuurou content, smiled sweetly.

Seishiro handed his gift as well, a very cool shirt whose Seishiro would really like to take off his Tetsuya “Thank you Akashi-kun” before Kuroko could kiss the younger twin cheek, Seishiro kissed Kuroko on the lips “You are welcome” Seishiro smirked. Seijuurou rolled his eyes, _So show-off!_

The doorbell was rung, “Maybe the others are arrived!” Kuroko went to the door. Soon after he returned with a package “Seem that Ogiwara-kun sent me a gift...”

Kuroko opened it and found a branded set of black wristbands with sky blue lines and a vanilla milkshake from Majiburger; Kuroko was so happy, he lost his poker face and smiled “this is just what I wanted!” Kuroko was literally glowing.

Seijuurou and Seishiro made a grim face and thought with one voice, _Blasted Ogiwara Shigehiro!_

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_After with the GOM_

The GOM were stunned by the presence of not one, but two Akashi!

Seishiro was the first to acknowledge their existence “Shintaro, Atsushi, Ryouta, Daiki”

Seijuurou smiled “Midorima, Murasakibara, Kise, Aomine, I haven't seen you from middle school second year”

Midorima said “What do you mean?” they didn't understand, why there were two Akashi?!

Kuroko was the one to answer “Akashi-kun...” he indicated the twin with both red eyes “transferred to Kyoto during middle school third year and...” he indicated the twin with heterochromatic eyes “Akashi-kun came in our school. They are twins, please don't tell me you didn't notice it and you thought Akashi-kun had a splint of personality”

The GOM sweatdropped, Aomine chuckled anxious and lied “Of course we noticed it, Akashi, long time no see you, buddy” the two Akashi and Kuroko sighed.

Kise asked “If there are two Akashi, who is the one you are going out with, Kurokocchi?”

Kuroko replied “Both”

the GOM yelled “What?!”

Kuroko said “They are too similar, it's difficult to choose... I wouldn't have any problem if one of them was...” he looked at Aomine “... a rude ganguro...” he looked at Kise “annoying cheerful...” he looked at Murasakibara “... or lazy and childish. Plus their small differences make them only more endearing”

Aomine shouted “Oi, why didn't you insult Midorima as well?”

Kuroko replied deadpanned “Tsundere is cuteness” Midorima blushed heavily, his ears were red “I'm not happy at all nanodayo!”

Seijuurou and Seishiro smirked and thought as one, _Now I know how to bed Kuroko/Tetsuya tonight!_ They glared each other, _Don't copy me!_

Midorima, as the strict person he was said “This is unacceptable! What will the public think about this?”

Kise pondered “people probably won't notice it, the twins are pretty much identical and Aominecchi, did you remember Kurokocchi's date with Momoicchi? He was so overshadowed he was practically invisible!”

the Akashi twins looked enraged “Kuroko/Tetsuya, did you go to a date with Momoi?” Kuroko without a ounce of guilt nodded; Seishiro said “How dare! She will pay!” Seijuurou said “control yourself, she is a girl, but...” he narrowed his crimson eyes “...a pay back is must.”

Aomine gave to Kise a kick Kasamatsu would be so proud of “Thank you very much Kise, now as Satsuki's childhood friend it's my duty to die trying to protect her from the Akashi!”

“So mean, Aominecchi!”

Murasakibara asked the Akashi twins “Are you alright with this situation? I would never share my favorite snack”

Seijuurou said “Of course we aren't so excited about but don't worry Murasakibara, this situation is only temporary”

Seishiro added “We decided the world doesn't need two Akashi so we are trying to kill each other”

Seijuurou said “the one who survive will have Kuroko, but until then we share”

Murasakibara shrugged “Okay” and started eating a new snack.

Seishiro said with his emperor smirk “I'm going to win”

Seijuurou replied with his charming prince smile “Don't be so sure lil' bro”

Aomine said to Kise “I bet 2000 yen the crazy Akashi win”

Kise said “Aominecchi!!! We are talking about human life! Make it at least 5000! I bet on the Akashi with both red eyes, the scariest is always the polite quiet one!”

Midorima whispered to Kuroko “Are you okay with this killing thing? You love them!”

Kuroko replied “They are putting their life on the line for me, I must match their resolve and then... they are evenly matched, I really doubt one of them will defeat the other. They keep their pride and play together while I get an harem; it's a win-win situation” Kuroko looked at his guests “Someone wants a piece of cake?”

Midorima sweatdropped, possible he was the only one to see the wrong of all of this?! The only _normal_ one? _I must find bigger lucky items to preserve my sanity nanodayo!_

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_If team Vorpal swords worked as host_

Akashi was annoyed, sure he would never show it to the females he was forced to entertain, he could lose his princely aura, and his reputation would go to a big No No. Certain times he envied Aomine, he was so low in the reputation raking there weren't anything that could make it worse, he could only improve.

How much he wanted freedom! Perhaps he should take Kuroko with him and leave all of this nonsense! Perhaps he should become tanned as Aomine and talk trash so he could do what he wanted! Catching crayfish in the river and worrying only about basketball and men dreams! A second thought... he didn't want to be Aomine, he was too awesome to be Ahomine!

Returning to the point, why did Momoi force him and the others to do host work to raise money for the team? Did she secretively plot a revenge against him for taking her beloved Tetsu-kun?

“Akashi-sama?” one the girls in his table tried to take his attention. Akashi smiled so fake one would question if he wore a mask, how could those girls not to see it? “Sorry, I was so enchanted by

your beauty I lost myself for some moments” the girls giggled in delight and he seriously wished someone could kill him now or that Kuroko interrupted this situation like a true charming prince from movies taking him away from here. It was a pity Kuroko was in the same situation, or at least he thought so.

 _Little brother, change place with me, please!_ but no, no voice answered back. Seem neither the almighty emperor wanted to do this work. Where is a second personality when you need it?

“Akashi-sama you know how to praise a woman!” and girl A (because these girls weren't humans with names for Akashi but lustful monsters going by A,B, C...) linked her arm with his. Akashi was fed up, he needed a break, he needed an holiday! And he wanted to be purified from the evil touch with the holy presence of his lover “I'm sorry ladies my shift is over, I hope to see you tomorrow as well” and kissed the hand of every lady on his table. He left his room checking if those creatures dirtied his immaculate white suit.

Akashi wanted to see Kuroko but he was also curious about the others' doing, it was his instinct to know everything after all. Kuroko was in the furthest room from him, he could take a peek on the others while going to him.

The comrade nearest to him was Murasakibara; many girls were giving him sweets, snacks and cakes in a sort of tea party. The purple giant in his dark violet suit looked like he could die happily.

Next he could see Midorima wearing a dark green suit and a black necktie tied neatly; oh poor soul, he looked like he could faint any moment, he was so red with girls telling him things like “Your eyes are so pretty!” “Wow, what abs!” “The good looking glassed boy”

“It's no true!” the green man denied it strongly like they asked him if he have committed a murder. Takao in a gray suit, was near him selling his lucky items to the fan girls with Midorima pictures included “Stop! Takao!”

Takao said with fake innocence “Why Shin-chan? More money we make, sooner we quit!”

Midorima glared him “You are doing it only because this amuse you!”

Takao smirked “So true! Smile to the camera!” and took a picture of the big tsundere man.

Akashi decided to pay his greeting like his mere presence was the universal medicine to soothe every of Midorima's worries “How are you Midorima?”

oh, this was the last drop! “What do you think I'm feeling Akashi? Do you think I like to be involved with all of this pointless stuff?! Do you think I'm Kise??” and indicated the blond in the other side of the room they shared.

Kise wearing a blue suit, glowed like he was light itself, his cheerful voice full of enthusiasm made all the girls on his side smile! The girls were literally smitten by him! He was like a veteran host!

Takao said “He remember me of Tamaki Suou of OHSHC, don't you think so?”

Midorima replied “Ridiculous” Akashi watched the blond, he felt something was amiss... Naa Kise was the same as always.

In the other side of the room a cheerful blond surrounded by girls, was laughing in his sleeves, _I, Tamaki Suou will take control of Kurobas! Watch me Haruhi!_ In a closet near Tamaki, the real Kise was tied up and gagged.

Akashi went in another room, he greeted Wakamatsu “Wakamatsu-san, How are you dealing with the female genre?”

Wakamatsu said “Usually I would give my soul to work with girls, but a room full of them? Luckily I'm not a host! My duty is to supervise the Baka duo so they don't screw up”

Aomine wearing an opened dark blue suit without necktie, challenged Kagami “I bet I can have more girls than you!”

Kagami wearing a dark red suit with a loose tie replied “No, you can't!”

Aomine smiled “Yes I can!” Kagami yelled “Bring it on!”

Aomine went to pick up ladies “Ehi, babies do you want a piece of the Aomine Daiki?” accompanied by a vulgar gesture. The girls averted their eyes like they were afraid the only gaze could make them pregnant “I know I'm sexy, you don't need to be shy!” So rude and narcissist, he was far from the charming prince they wanted! The girls ran away from him.

Aomine shrugged “These girls couldn't handle my hotness” he looked at Kagami.

The splint eyebrows boy was surrounded by girls, his face red like his hair; he was too shy to say something, only meaningless sounds left his mouth... _Get a grip Kagami!_ He encourages himself, _they are like Alex, they are like Alex!_ Seeing such a timid animal, the girls awakened their mother instincts “So cute!” “You don't need to be shy!”

Aomine teased him “Are you afraid of some females Kagami? such a coward!”

Kagami lost all of his shyness because his hot temper “At least I have some girls Ahomine!”

“Don't call me Ahomine, Bakagami! And I'm still more sexy you ever be!”

“What have you just said???” the due shouted to each other and quarreled, until a courageous girl interrupted them “Excuse me but you are so synchronized with each other... could you be twins?”

Aomine and Kagami yelled in unison “Like I could be related to him!”

Another girl asked “Are you soul mates?” and another “Please can I take a picture with the two of you hugging each other!” “I want to see a kiss in the cheeks!” and the other girls nodded in agreement. Seem the Baka duo attracted another type of public.

Aomine and Kagami were in the point of refusing but Akashi intervened “Of course, this is one of the many services this host club has to offer, right?” he smiled sweetly with sparkle on top toward Kagami and Aomine, and said boys pondered how that innocent princely smile could scare so much the crap out of them “Yes, will do it!” and with all the aversion in their hearts, they hugged each other and whispered loud sweet nonsense with a myriad of flash in the background “What strong arms you have Kagami...” “You have...” a long pause “... dark blue hair” “Bakagami! Give me a praise, idiot!” “It's too difficult, Ahomine!”

Akashi went near Wakamatsu “Control them so they keep their bargain” Wakamatsu nodded “if they stay away more than a centimeter from each other, I will dunk their head in the hoop!” he said with all the confidence of a rebounder.

Akashi took a breath, he could finally see his Kuroko! He walked toward the phantom host room to see a very long line, with Hyuuga shouting at the entry “You have already been here! Go to another host!” and the girls “Please let me see him!” “ me too!” “Please I want to have his personal contact!” and another “I can't live now without him!” Hyuuga yelled “Go away, you crazy beings!” and wielded a broom like it was the ultimate scepter against the forces of evil.

Akashi didn't have an understanding about the situation but something was clear, those girls wanted Kuroko, but the sky blue haired boy was his. The red haired boy as a king with his subjects, went forward in the crowd; like there was some major magnetic force, the girls went right or left leaving a path in the middle for him to walk in. When Akashi was next to Hyuuga, he turned to face the girls and ordered “Leave!” with an aura darker than the hell itself; he didn't care to lose his reputation of well mannered individual if this was for the phantom. In a blink, there wasn't any soul around. “Hyuuga-san, what is the meaning of this?” Hyuuga looked old like he went through a war “Enter and you will see it!” and opened the curtains.

Inside the room, Akashi saw Kuroko wearing a black suit and a loose necktie that emphasized his pale white skin and slender body. He was so gorgeous! The red haired boy restrained with all his being the urge to kidnap the phantom and feel his heat.

The room's mood was calm and relaxed, the girls were talking with Kuroko of their problems; the phantom with the utmost kindness was listening to them “You don't have to worry Miyoko-san, your proud green eyes are your strong point, you must have more self confidence”

“Sayuri-san, I'm sure your boyfriend regretted his words, how could he not doing it when you are such a kind person”

“Yukari-san, I will help you with your dog, I'm sure we will find him. I really respect your love for animals” and made a small smile but strong enough to melt the girls' hearts.

Kuroko didn't see the girls like conquests, or money bag; he didn't give general and false praises. He saw them for what they were and their strong points. He really enjoyed to stay with them. The girls felt being cared and special hence they couldn't refrain themselves wanting to see him again and caring for him. Kuroko was a natural born host. And this didn't sit well with Akashi “Kuroko?”

Kuroko faced him and smiled like he has discovered the secrets of the life “I think I found my vocation Akashi-kun”

the captain's face turned pale in horror, so shocked like he has just witnessed his father wearing his dead mother's dress. He understood that to love and worship Kuroko Tetsuya was natural like breathing, if a day Kuroko confessed to be the God who created the Universe, Akashi wouldn't be surprised at all; for Akashi the biggest mystery of all was how come not everyone loved Kuroko, but still he was grateful for such universal mistake. Kuroko was his and only his, no other beings could bath in the phantom's glory, especially the host clubs in Shinjuku!

“Kuroko we are leaving” he grabbed the sky blue haired boy's arm and dragged him far away from that room; Akashi shouted for the other players to hear “The host club is closed indefinitely! Follow me!”

Hyuuga, Aomine, Kagami, Wakamatsu and Midorima exclaimed toward the heaven “At last!” and threw their necktie.

Murasakibara, Takao and Tamaki pouted, they were having fun!

Akashi typed a number in his cellphone “Momoi? I don't care if I have to use my parent money or if we must learn to be independent! The host work is over!” he closed the call.

Tamaki was ready to follow the players but was stopped by a voice behind him “Tamaki-san, Where are you going?”

Tamaki sheepishly turned to face the owner's voice “Haruhi, what are you doing here?”

the girl sighed “Honey-senpai, if you could do me this favor” the short sweet tooth senpai dragged a screaming and kicking young master away “My new path of the life! NOOOOO!”

With the basketball players, Kuroko asked “Where is Kise-kun?”

the others looked around and shrugged, Aomine said “Perhaps he went another way” they kept to walk toward the sunset.

In the Host Club, inside a closet, Kise still tied up and gagged was weeping and praying, _Please someone come to save me!_

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Kindergarten AU KuroAka version_

Chibi Akashi and Chibi Kuroko were playing house, Akashi said “Tetsuya, when we are grown-up, let's get marry for real”

“Okay Sei-kun, you will look beautiful in a wedding dress”

“Nope, Tetsuya will wear the wedding dress, because you are cuter”

“You are cute as well Sei-kun and white befits you”

“No, definitively you”

Kuroko replied with a glint in his eyes “We shall see about”

_Twenty years later_

Seijuurou and Tetsuya were looking at their wedding pictures. The red haired man sighed “I still can't believe you made me wear a wedding dress Tetsuya”

the phantom replied blunt “You fell in love with me because I can make you do things you would never do, Sei-kun” he smiled smug “I was right, you are beautiful and gourgeous in these pictures”

Seijuurou said with pride “Of course. If I had to do it, I had to be the best and most wonderful bride of the year!”

Kuroko kissed Seijuurou's cheek and replied with amused tone “And you were, my Queen”

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Kindergarten AU AkaKuro version_

Nijimura-sensei was tired of hyperactive children who annoyed the hell out of him, so he decided to pay back those little brats with a scare. The little GOM were doing their usual racket, with Akashi trying to boss the other kids around, Aomine rebelling, Murasakibara chewing loud, Midorima shooting everything he could hold with his hands and Kise whose only existence was noise embodied.

Nijimura said to them “Oi, children, you know that during nap time, ghosts and monsters arrive to take away naughty kids?”

Akashi said “If they attack, they should fear me more than I fear them”

Midorima said “Monsters and ghosts don't exist, nanodayo”

Murasakibara said “Are monsters and ghosts something I can eat?” the children and Nijimura-sensei sweatdropped.

“No, Murasakibaracchi! Monsters and ghosts are bad things! But mommy said I'm a good boy so I don't have to worry about!” he smiled cheerful.

“Yes, right” Aomine said with sarcasm but his body was shivering, _oh my god ghosts! What can I do if they come to get me?_

Akashi smirked smug “Are you scared, Daiki?”

“Of course not” Aomine was too proud to admit weakness!

Nijimura-sensei said “It's nap time, little brats. Sweet dream”

the children went inside their little futon to nap, but Aomine couldn't sleep, the ghosts could strike any moment! Near him, where shouldn't be anything but void space, Aomine heard the sound of something breathing, and yet he didn't feel any presence! The sound kept on, and the young boy was getting scared and scared, he turned to see the void space and there was a freaking unknown pale boy sleeping near him! Aomine couldn't hold it and screamed “A Ghost!!!!”

the other children woke up for the loud noise. Akashi annoyed for being woken up, was the first to go near him “What is going on Daiki?”

Aomine couldn't speak too caught up in his terror, shivering he indicated the pale boy next to him; Akashi saw the prettiest thing. The red head was a kid so he didn't understand complex feelings like love or attraction but he was sure of a thing, he simply wanted this sky blue haired kid.

Nijimura-sensei went to them “What's happened?” he looked at Akashi, Aomine and then Kuroko, _crap I forgot about Kuroko!_ “Brats, today we have a new student, Kuroko Tetsuya”

the sleepy sky blue haired child said “Nice to meet you”

Aomine asked him “So, you aren't a ghost, right?”

Kuroko replied “Not to my knowledge” Aomine sighed relieved like he survived the armageddon.

Nijimura said “Now this is resolved, go back to sleep!” the kids obeyed.

“Daiki, exchange place with me”

“What?!” Aomine was confused.

Akashi's glare was like a death threat “I won't say it again”

“Okay!” the tanned kid said exasperate, certain times he really couldn't understand the red haired child. Akashi happily settled next to Kuroko.

_Next day_

The monsters looked at the children, they couldn't wait to scare those innocent little kids ahahaha!

They saw a little sky blue haired child sleeping so peaceful, such an urge of waking him up! The monsters went near him and...

“Tetsuya is sleeping, go away” the monsters turned their face to look at a red haired child. They laughed loud “Ahahaha! Who do you think to be for order us around?”

“I said Tetsuya is sleeping, go away!”

the monster kept to laugh “Or what is going to happen?”

Akashi smirked “You will face my fury!” those monsters weren't seen ever again.

When nap time was over, Kuroko woke up, he saw Akashi and said “Thank you, Sei-kun”

Akashi smiled “For what?”

Kuroko replied “ I feel like you protected me in my sleep”

Akashi hugged him “I will always watch over your sleep”

Many years later Kuroko pondered why he always felt of being observed when he went to bed and he was really crept out, but this was another tale.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Omake

_Next day_

Nijimura was listening to the radio and Midorima was reading a child book near him “Today cancer is placed last, be wary of unexpected event! lucky item an Ofuda”

Nijimura was laughing “Like I believe those craps! What do you think about green brat?”

Midorima adjusted his glasses “I believe only about what Science can prove nanodayo”

Nijimura replied “You are cancer right? I got this Ofuda yesterday in a temple when I helped cleaning it. As the saying goes better safe than sorry”

Midorima took the Ofuda “I accept it only because it's a gift”

_During nap time_

Thank to the example the monsters gave yesterday, the ghosts learned they couldn't mess up with a certain sky blue and red haired kid so they went for the kids furthest away from them.

They saw a green haired kid and smiled, they decided he was their next victim. Throwing things to him and making sinister whispers, they succeed to waking him up.

Midorima opened his eyes and saw himself surrounded by ghosts; panicked, he held the first thing near him the Ofuda. The ghosts screamed in agony, they were exorcised!

Left alone Midorima sighed relieved, _Oha Asa was right! Oha Asa saved me! I swear I will follow it for the rest of my life!_

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Special, Murasakibara birthday_

Murasakibara was so tired with basketball practice he fell asleep inside the looker room.

Inside his dream, Murasakibara found himself inside a throne room. Sat in the throne, there was a boy with red hair, next to him there was a boy with sky blue hair.

Murasakibara greeted “Aka-chin, Kuro-chin”

the red haired boy smirked “We aren't those people, Murasakibara Atsushi. We took the appearance of the couple you fear and respect the most. We are demons!”

Murasakibara said bored “Okay, what do you want?”

The sky blue haired male said “If you accept us as our contractor we will give you the world, you will become King!”

The red head added “You will become the most powerful being of the Universe!”

Himuro and the other Yosen players entered in the looker room with Akashi, Kuroko, Midorima, Aomine, Kise and Momoi who come to Akita for the purple giant's birthday. Himuro said kindly “Wake up Atsushi, we have brought the wedding sized cake”

Inside the dream the demons talked about how Murasakibara will rule the world and how he will gain everything he desired. Suddenly Himuro's voice reached Murasakibara “Wake up Atsushi, we have brought the wedding sized cake” Murasakibara's mouth started to salivate and his stomach growled “Yes the cake!” he looked at the demons “Sorry Aka-chin, Kuro-chin, I must wake up” and so he did.

When he opened his eyes he saw all of his friends “Happy birthday Murasakibara/Atsushi/cchi/kun!”

“Thank you, Where is the cake?” the boys and Momoi laughed.

While he was cutting the cake, Murasakibara said to Akashi and Kuroko “Aka-chin, Kuro-chin, let's conquest the world another time, okay?”

Akashi and Kuroko sweatdropped, sometimes they were unable to understand what there was inside the giant's mind.

In another realm a demon was crying “How could he do it?! Who give up the world for a cake! He could have been the supreme being, but not, a cake is more important!” the other demon sighed “Let's wait for the next world destroyer” the other yelled in range “The next one will come thousand years from now!”

That day no one learned that Murasakibara, preferring a cake over a tempting demon's deal, saved the world.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Murasakibara!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time the theme is "other fanfiction" LOL, these are the cracks that came to my mind after I read these stories. I asked the permission from the authors to write them a very long time ago. By now they have surely forgotten LOL

 

_Inspired by “In which Kuroko Tetsuya fights for his boyfriend with his boyfriend” of RPitU ( ff.net) Anime_Manga_Otaku (AO3)_

 

_If Bokushi wanted to break apart Akashi and Kuroko_

 

On a dandy morning, Akashi Seijuurou woke up with heterochomatic eyes of red and gold, and so happened his boyfriend was next to him. Bokushi was outraged, he won't tolerate this relationship anymore!

“Kuroko Tetsuya” Bokushi said “I would like you to stay away from Seijuurou” _you only are a mere boy without skill and pedigree, you don't deserve us!_

This shouldn't come with surprise, considering how much narcissist Akashi Seijuurou can be.

“I can't do it Akashi-kun, I'm dating you” Kuroko replied without blinking, like he was used to what he just heard, well... it was the hundred time he listened to this...

“Tetsuya, what I said about defying me? I am absolute!”

“Yes, yes, Akashi-kun”

“Tetsuya... are you patronizing?”

“Of course, Akashi-kun”

“How dare you! I will break up with you!”

Kuroko self-assured asked “Akashi-kun, if you had to choose, who would you prefer, me or you other self?”

Akashi's eyes become both red “Do you even need to ask? I love you. I will always choose you”

Inside Akashi's psyche, Bokushi gritted his teeth, he took control of the body again “Remember Tetsuya, I will have the last word!” to quickly hide himself again in the abyss of Akashi's mind.

Kuroko smirked inside, the other Akashi-kun was so adorable sometimes!

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bokushi furrowed his eyebrows, the defeat during the Winter Cup was enough for him. Defeat was humiliating, defeat was for the weak and he wasn't such a thing! He will overthrow Tetsuya from his high pedestal and put him in his place, where all the peasants belong to!

“Ryouta, I order you! Win Tetsuya's heart over!”

“Of course Akashicchi!” the blond answered to the phone. Bokushi closed the call and sighed, that was why he had mixed feelings for humans in general. On one hand they were gullible, simple and easy to manipulate. That was convenient for him but on the other hand, well, he found them disgusting and so beneath him.

Nevertheless, the red and gold eyed male felt uneasy, he wanted to give a try of this plan but he was sure Ryouta would surely fail him. Kuroko was dating him, the **Akashi Seijuurou,** how could the phantom even only think about linking someone else over him? The redhead thought in his vain heart.

The next day, Akashi (Oreshi) and Kuroko were enjoying their date, seated on a table outside a coffee shop, when Kise came to them “Kurokocchi, I have something to tell you in private” his golden eyes were serious “Please?”

Kuroko felt it was something of important so he asked his boyfriend “I'm sorry Akashi-kun, can you wait for me?”

Akashi nodded. While Kuroko and Kise walked away from the table, still visible but far enough not to be listened to, Bokushi thought this was his chance “What do you like about Tetsuya? He is a mere human, even weaker than average. He is beneath us!”

Oreshi, cool, smoothly sip his coffee and replied “Kuroko defeated us. If he is only a mere human, a “peasant” as ofter you call him, we that lost to him, what does this make us?”

“...” Bokushi couldn't retort him.

Akashi looked at Kuroko from afar, suddenly the phantom was tightly hugged by Kise and the blond was shouting cry of joy.

Bokushi watched in disbelief, _Was Ryouta successful?_ Bokushi felt an inexplicable anger, _How dare Tetsuya to prefer Ryouta over Akashi Seijuurou!_

Before even Oreshi could act, Bokushi quickly run toward them, separated them and yelled “If you value your life, Don't go near Tetsuya ever again!” he grabbed the phantom's wrist and dragged him away. This wasn't jealousy, no sir! He simply didn't want to lose to the like of Ryouta!

There was poison in his voice “Tetsuya, why Ryouta was all over you? What did you say to make him so happy?”

“I agreed to take a photo with him”

Akashi stopped his track and stared at the phantom's face “Only that?”

“Kise-kun is easy to please” Kuroko pondered “To think his serious face was a trick. Kise-kun is growing skillful but his ambition is still so little”

Akashi wanted his wasted anger (jealousy) back.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

“For the record, I like Akashi-kun more than anyone else” Kuroko said.

Bokushi scorned “Even more than I like myself?”

The shadow boy stared blankly “Since Akashi-kun likes himself so much, he can use his right hand to take care of his needs from tonight on”

Oreshi didn't speak with Bokushi for weeks.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Akashi returned to his apartment “Kuroko, I'm at home”

the silence welcomed him. Confused, Akashi with his outstanding eyesight, noticed a note on the table “ _I'm leaving”_ it was Kuroko's penmanship!

Akashi stared at the paper incredulous, Did this mean Kuroko dumped him?

While Oreshi was wallowing in grief, Bokushi rejoiced! He finally won! He finally got rid of Kuroko Tetusya! However in his heart he felt mixed feeling... why did Tetsuya break up with him? after 30 minutes, he felt a bit lonely thinking he wouldn't fight with Kuroko anymore... after a hour he felt a hole in his chest, did he miss the phantom? How was it possible? After two hours he felt pain almost matching his other self, why instead to be happy, he felt so empty and sad?

Akashi heard the door click, Kuroko entered inside the apartment, carrying a plastic bag. Bokushi couldn't refrain himself to ask “Where have you been?!”

Kuroko deadpanned answered “I went to do grocery shopping”

Akashi's anger flew up “Don't leave behind such misleading and obscure message!” Bokushi shouted inside, _We are better off without him! really!_

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bokushi challenged Kuroko “Do you think you can love me more than I love myself?”

the phantom replied “Of course. No one loves Akashi-kun more than me. I love everything about Akashi-kun” Kuroko, looking at the gold and red eyes, smiled “This include you too” he grabbed Akashi's cheeks and pushed him down in a kiss.

Bokushi's heart pounded fast and loudly, he felt warmness slowly creeping it's way to the core of his soul. Mysterious feelings were incurring insidious effect on him, slowly weaving around him, ensuring that he would never be able to escape it. Bokushi couldn't bear it and fainted.

After the kiss, Akashi opened his both crimson eyes. Oreshi sighed “I wonder when my other self will grow out of his denial. He loves you as much I do.”

“He will come around sooner or later” the phantom reassured him.

The crimson eyed Akashi hugged the cerulean haired male, _In the meantime I will enjoy Kuroko alone._

Oreshi had the last laugh.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_Inspired by “Like Cats and Dogs (Not Always Pets Resemble their Owners)” of Of_Lights_and_Shadows_

 

_If Bokushi was a cat_

 

Akashi rang the doorbell. Kuroko opened the door with a flat face “Hello Akashi-kun...” the phantom looked at the redhead's hand holding a cat carrier “...Hello to you as well, honey” Kuroko smiled kindly at the cat, he always had a soft spot for animals. Inside the carrier, the red maned cat meowed sweetly at the phantom like he was saying, _did you miss me, Tetsuya?_

“Hi Kuroko, I see you still treat my cat better than me. As your boyfriend I feel a wound in my heart” Akashi teased.

“Because Bokushi is cuter” the phantom answered blunt.

“Poor me, my own boyfriend doesn't love me, I will die from a broken heart” the crimson haired boy kept teasing melodramatic.

“Don't die on me. What should I do?” Kuroko teased back with a monotonously voice (listeners would probably find him creepy) like a totally bored teenager playing for kindergarteners.

Akashi smirked “Maybe a kiss would make feel a little better?”

The cerulean haired boy replied “Tales say a kiss is the cure for every evils”

Akashi stared at the soft pink lips approaching his own when he felt a sudden strong force pulling down, his hand opened and the carrier fell on the ground with a powerful meow.

“Bokushi! Are you okay?” Kuroko stopped his action toward Akashi and opened the carrier on the ground. He quickly brought the cat out, searching for eventually injures “Thankfully, you are alright” the phantom sighed relieved. Bokushi meowed in agreement. Kuroko scooped the kitty between his arms “Let's go inside”

Akashi stared in disbelief at his cat, why did he feel this accident wasn't an accident at all? Why did his heterochromatic eyed cat looked so smug like he has just won? _Did Bokushi just rubbed his head on my boyfriend's chest and looked down on me?_ He stopped his thought from taking a weird course, Bokushi was just a cat after all. _Maybe Kise's paranoia and Midorima's cat hate are starting to affect me._

“How much longer do you plan to stay outside?” Kuroko's voice brought back the redhead to reality and he entered inside the house.

_Time skip_

Akashi and Kuroko took a break from homework, Akashi thought this was a good opportunity to take the kiss he had missed before. He stared at his boyfriend stretching his arms and his ingenious mind formulated a plan “Kuroko, are you feeling stiff? Do you want a massage?”

Kuroko stared at him flat “We must finish our work before doing other activities. I can't trust you”

Akashi smiled like he was innocence personified “Have faith in me. I would never take advantage of you”

the phantom raised an eyebrow as a reply.

“Maybe a little kiss at most. Can't I show you a little of my love for you, Kuroko?”

The phantom surrendered “Okay, but only a little bit” and coughed “I'm spoiling you too much” with a low voice.

Akashi happily sat behind Kuroko and put his hands on the younger boy's shoulders, with his skilled fingers he loosened the knot on the phantom's muscles and massaged with a strong but careful touch; Kuroko moaned softly in pleasure. When his lover was a pile of goo, Akashi kissed ghostly the boy's neck and a hand went under the phantom's shirt, pinching a nipple. Kuroko moaned stronger, he was starting to get turned on, between the pants he said “Didn't you aff say you wouldn't take aff advantage of me?”

Akashi smiled smug “I'm not a liar Kuroko. Isn't taking advantage if you are willing” he kept kissing the collarbone, a hand was looming down near the phantom's south region... BANG! A sudden strong noise came from the kitchen. Kuroko hastily got up and run over there; Akashi followed his lead, upset about the interruption.

Inside the kitchen, the cerulean haired boy found pots and pans on the floor, Bokushi was meowing and putting his paws on the fridge. Kuroko asked him “Were you searching for food? Are you angry?” the red maned cat left the fridge and rubbed himself on the phantom legs. Kuroko smiled briefly “I will take it as a Yes” the boy opened the fridge and took out milk.

Akashi looked at the scene unfolding puzzled, he fed Bokushi before coming here, so why he was so hungry? When did he become such a gluttony? Kuroko petted the animal “Do you like it, honey?” the cat meowed in agreement, he was so cute with milk mustache! If Kuroko wasn't a deadpanned poker faced person he would have squealed like Kise.

Instead, Akashi was in bad mood; he felt jealous, his cat took all the attention from him! to think he and his lover were getting busy before...

“Let's finish homework now, Akashi-kun”

the redhead nodded unwilling, he missed his chance! He gave a last look at his pet, eyes of crimson and gold returned the gaze as a challenger. Akashi stared at the animal in disbelief, now he was sure, Bokushi stopped him on purpose.

_Time skip_

After the homework, finally for Akashi's pleasure, he and his lover were heavily making out in the bed. The redhead loved his boyfriend's taste so much! He couldn't have enough! He needed to feel Kuroko all the way. When they started to remove their clothes, strongly meows resounded in the whole house.

“Bokushi!” Kuroko pushed Akashi from the bed and went to the window, the sound seemed originated from outside. There, Kuroko saw the cat on the tallest branch of a tree “He can't go down from the tree, he must be so scared!”

Akashi facepalmed, the classic cat on the tree cliche! Clearly Bokushi was faking to stop his time with Kuroko. The meowing sounded so fake and monotonous that Akashi was surprised it was made by a real cat. The scarlet haired teen didn't know if he should get upset that the red animal didn't even bothered to put a bit of effort in his acting skill.

“Kuroko, you can leave him on the tree, he knows how to go down. I saw him descend from biggest heights than this, like my house's roof. When he get bored, he will get off”

the phantom glared at the redhead “How can you be so cruel! Bokushi is afraid!” thus Kuroko walked inside a storage room and searched for a ladder, after he went outside. Akashi followed him.

Kuroko went up the tree “How even did you get here? Let me help you” and smiled sweetly to soothe the cat. Bokushi stared fondly at the phantom like he was his eternal life savior and went in Kuroko's arm. Akashi felt the need to gag.

When Kuroko got off from the ladder with the cat, his boyfriend said “Now the problem is resolved, let's return to what we were doing” the phantom went inside the house without even look at him.

Kuroko didn't permit Akashi to touch him for the rest of the evening and dinner. He stared angrily at his boyfriend as if he was some kind of animal abuser, like he put the cat inside a plastic bag and drowned in a river; Akashi couldn't deny he was tempted to do it in that moment. Bokushi, seated on the cerulean teen's tights, watched them feeling victorious.

_Time skip_

Night time came, since Akashi was invited to stay overnight, Kuroko placed a futon near his bed for himself; his boyfriend was a guest, so the phantom insisted he took the bed; Akashi was perfectly okay with sharing but the bed was too small. They refreshed up for the night and wished each other sweet dreams.

However Akashi didn't give up to have his lovey dovey time with his boyfriend, he figured a sleepy Kuroko was a less guarded Kuroko, he wouldn't make much of a fuss and stop him. The redhead stealthily got up from the bed and neared to the futon. He smiled like a wolf watching the peaceful face of his sleeping lover, looking forward to his hunt. He lifted the futon's cover... a red spot clouded his vision. His cat was sleeping on his boyfriend's chest! Again the animal dared to hinder his plans!

Akashi gently tried to move the cat without waking him and Kuroko up, but for the boy misfortune, Bokushi was all but sleeping, using his nails, he strongly clutched at the phantom's pajama and meowed; Akashi pulled him harder, but the heterochromatic eyed cat didn't surrender.

Kuroko woke up by the constant pulling and noises, and saw the red haired boy and cat on top of him “Akashi-kun, what are you doing?”

Akashi replied calm like he hasn't been just caught messing around with the animal still clinging at the phantom's shirt “I saw Bokushi sleeping on top you and thinking he would disrupt your sleep, I tried to move him but he stubbornly wanted to stay where he was”

Kuroko smiled looking at the cat “So you wanted to sleep with me, so sweet. Akashi-kun, leave him, he doesn't bother him” _But he bother me,_ the scarlet maned boy complained inside his mind.

Kuroko watched how the cat nestled in his chest, then he looked at his boyfriend, his eyes narrowed slightly “Why were you watching me instead of sleeping? Maybe has Akashi-kun ulterior motives? Should he sleep on the couch?”

Akashi knew his plan was doomed, if he tried to sneak up again, Kuroko would see through him, the cerulean haired boy didn't like to be hit on when he wasn't 100% in his right mind, and he couldn't do stuff with the cat between them; the redhead mentally sighed and lied “Of course not. I needed the bathroom and when I returned by chance I saw Bokushi over you. You know the rest”

the phantom was still suspecting him but he let it pass this time around “Since the problem is solved...” he put the futon's sheet above him and the animal “...let's sleep. Good night” the cat meowed as well, a mockery in Akashi's ears.

“Sleep tight...” Akashi returned in the bed defeated, curse that cat! He also wanted to be on top of Kuroko, dual meaning included! He swore to himself, he would never bring the cat again.

Bokushi, coddled in Kuroko's embrace, stepped in the land of dreams pretty proud of himself, he successfully protected his Tetsuya this time too.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Omake

Akashi went to visit his boyfriend alone, this time nothing would stop him!

Kuroko opened the door uncharacteristically thrilled, he grabbed the redhead's arm and led him inside “Look Akashi-kun! Bokushi learned the way here! Isn't he a genius?”

Akashi looked at his cat in a renewed disbelief, red and gold orbs stared at him smugly in return, _do you think you can leave me behind?_

Thus the war between the cat and his owner continued.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

_Inspired by “The Kuroko Tetsuya Fan Club A.K.A. The Akashi Seijuro Hate Club” of Arachnophobia_

 

_If Akashi was sacrificed to the devil_

 

Aomine, pretty crept out, stared at his childhood friend and the one who he unwilling admitted he was his friend, Satsuki and Kise, dressed with dark robes and holding a bag filled with candle and what the hell was that? A bag filled with red liquid? Their smiles were so creepy like they finally become mad! This fucking Kuroko Tetsuya fan club was already a stalkerish nut job itself, how much low were they going to sink?

“Please don't tell you actually killed Akashi for jealousy and that is his blood!” the dark tanned mad yelled. He didn't want to be involved with any of this!

“What are you implying Dai-chan? We aren't murderers!” Momoi smiled sweetly.

Kise said “Like we are able to kill Akashicchi! That is chicken's blood!”

“and why the fuck you need chicken blood?!”

“To draw a magic circle so we can sacrifice Akashicchi to the devil!”

Momoi kept talking “the two of us alone don't have the power to save Tetsu-kun from Aka-kun's clutches but maybe a demon can!”

“Not even Akashicchi can defeat the devil! It's really the only hope we have left”

Aomine yelled “You two are mental! Quit this fucking mess you have for a club and let Kuroko and Akashi live as they want!”

Momoi denied “We must save Tetsu-kun! Aka-kun must have cast a spell on him!”

“Kurokocchi is born for all of us! No one has the right to hog him! Akashicchi have to disappear!”

Aomine kept on “There is no fucking spell involved! They are in love! Give up and start a new hobby for god's sake!”

Momoi and Kise looked at Aomine with pity “Poor Aominecchi, he must have fell for the same spell as well! No worries, when Akashicchi disappears, you and the others will return normal!”

“Yes, Tetsu-kun will be ours! which is as it should be!”

Aomine sweat dropped “Why the fuck you called me?! I'm not one of you “crazy for Tetsu” people!”

“Silly Dai-chan! We need physical power to move Aka-kun from his home!”

“You mean kidnapping! Why the fuck should I help you?!”

“If you won't do it, I will tell your every secrets to your mum! Say goodbye to basketball and Mai-chan!”

“You won't dare!”

“Try me”

Aomine shed a single tear, _I'm sorry Tetsu, but my life is in jeopardy!_ “Okay” he sighed defeated. The tanned boy turned his face toward the last member of their little expedition “And why are you here? I didn't think you liked Tetsu as well”

Mayuzumi replied “I don't give a crap about him. I'm here to see the devil! And if I can get rid of that midget of my captain it's even better, like two pigeon with a stone! I wonder if the devil will be a loly or big breasted like Rias Gremory...” he muttered lost in his otaku world.

Kise said “Mayucchi role is to sneak the sleeping power on Akashicchi's drink”

Momoi sighed “Even if he isn't loyal to the cause, we need a new face. Aka-kun's guard is too high around us with the many times we tried to eliminate him. Mayu-chan is one of his men... he won't suspect a betraying from the inside!”

Aomine's instincts rang in alarm. He was sure that this won't end good.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Mayuzumi ringed the intercom. One of the many servants of the Akashi household answered “Who I'm talking to?”

“Mayuzumi Chihiro. I'm Akashi Seijuuro acquaintance from school. I have an appointment with him.”

“Please welcome to Akashi Mansion, Mayuzumi-sama” the gate opened.

Mayuzumi walked inside the garden. Momoi, Kise and Aomine followed him in the shadow, avoiding the camera “When did we become ninja?!” complained the tanned boy.

“For Kurokocchi/Tetsu-kun we can be everything!” Kise and Momoi said in unison.

“But it's strange Momoicchi! Shouldn't the rottweilers already chasing us at this point, like every other time?”

the pinkette replied self assured “They are at the vet today!”

“...I don't want to know what you did in this manor!” Aomine sweat dropped.

While the trio hid themselves behind a tree, a maid welcome Mayuzumi inside.

“Please, come this way. The young master is waiting for you in his room” a knock at a well made expensive door “Young master, the guest is here” she opened the door. The maid and the gray haired phantom entered in the room.

Akashi was standing on front the window, looking outside “Welcome Mayuzumi-senpai, please have a seat. Masako-san, please bring some tea and snacks”

“Of course, young master” the maid bowed and left.

The redhead smiled polite and sat opposite Mayuzumi “Let's discuss about the motive I asked you to come here. Since Mibuchi is sick, please fill the role of vice-captain for the time being...”

The two Rakuzan students kept talking about the basketball club affair till they were interrupted by the maid bringing tea and various delicacy.

Mayuzumi, hands under the table, opened a sachet. Now or never! He looked at a point behind Akashi “Oh, Kuroko!”

for conditioned reflex, Akashi turned his head in search of his beloved. Quickly Mayuzumi slipped the sleeping drug in the redhead's tea cup.

“What was that about Mayuzumi?”

the older phantom thickened his poker face “That statue is identical to that brat. Did you make it?”

Akashi smiled proudly “My new project, a model in 3D full scale. For admiring Tetsuya's beauty when he isn't here...” Mayuzumi wanted to throw up “ ...I tried my best to make it the most realistic possible”

“I bet people won't be able to set them apart” _the lack of liveliness and the stiffness of the body and face is the same,_ Mayuzumi mocked.

“You flatter me but the real thing is hundred time better! Nevertheless, my favorite masterpiece remains the squashy Tetsuya stuffed toy to hug during the nights when he sleeps elsewhere”

Mayuzumi really felt the nausea coming now, because all this love was simply SICK. Thus he changed the topic “the tea is cooling off”

“You are right” Akashi sipped the tea and bite a wagashi sakura shaped. Mayuzumi thanked the gods there weren't any Kuroko shaped or Akashi would have reached a new level of hopelessness.

They kept chatting till Akashi dropped dead on the table without warning signs. Mayuzumi snorted, _typical of this midget, showing perfection till the bitter end. It didn't feel like he was feeling sleepiness at all._

The older phantom stood up, opened the window and took from under his shirt a rope that he set up for his accomplices.

Kise declared like a warrior general “Let's climb up!”

_Why the fuck I'm even here?_ Aomine wanted to dig a hole and bury himself, he felt that maybe he needed new friends.

Momoi simply said “Mai-chan”

_Right, this the reason... damn, Satsuki!_ Scratch the previous sentence, he _needed_ new friends.

The trio climbed the wall and entered inside Akashi's room.

They saw the redhead sleeping face, such a sweet and peaceful face... they felt they saw something of very prohibited. Sleeping Akashi seemed so innocent, they felt in someway guilty about what they wanted to do... Momoi, Kise and Mayuzumi snorted, _Yes, right!_ Kise lifted Akashi's bust like he was a potato sack “Aominecchi, help me! Lift his legs!” then his nose sniffed a well known scent... “Vanilla! Curse you Akashicchi! He is using vanilla bathing produce to tempt Kurokocchi!” “So cunning” Momoi gritted her teeth.

Suddenly, the golden orbs were captivated by a wonderful plastic sight “A Kurokocchi's 3D model full scale!” his eyes literally shined like the summer sun “I want it! Take it with you, Mayu-cchi!”

“No” the phantom blunting replied, cruelly crushing Kise's dreams without care. The blond shed tears of blood.

“Give up for now, Ki-chan. If we can get rid of Akashi-kun, will we have the real thing”

the model's mood changed like the a mountain weather “You are right, Momoicchi!” he smiled brightly like he was in an advertisement for a toothpaste.

Mayuzumi said a little grumpy “And what is this “Mayu-cchi”?”

“Right now you are in important member of this club!”

Mayuzumi simply ignored Kise like the blond didn't exist in the first place.

Meanwhile, Aomine, with his hands grabbing the redhead's legs, was sweating in despair because what they were doing was a fucking crime (kidnapping) and they were all going to end inside a jail.

When no one was looking at her, _Sorry Ki-chan,_ smiling at herself, Momoi secretly stole the Tetsuya stuffed toy from Akashi's bed.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The so called “Kuroko Tetsuya fan club” members, willing and unwilling, brought the victim inside the bloody circle. Mayuzumi arranged the candles.

Aomine, skeptical about the whole thing, _summoning a devil, like they can do it!_ sarcastic asked “And now what are you going to do? Read aloud an incantation from an ancient tome?”

Momoi rolled her eyes “You are so behind the times, Dai-chan!”

“Now it's all in the net” Kise took out his smart phone “Whose devil are we going to sacrifice Akashi to? Astraroth, Beelzebu..”

“Look Ki-chan! There is written here that recently on Monday, Wednesday and Friday Satan accepts vanilla milkshake as offering! Today is Friday!”

“Akashicchi smell like vanilla so this is perfect”

This time it was Aomine's turn to roll his eyes at the heaven, _What the heck is perfect in this situation!_

Kise, using his copy power, chanted an unknown lyric like the character of the movie he watched yesterday for this event.

Suddenly, the room become colder, the light went out. The candles lighted themselves with blue flame while the chant become more powerful and redundant. Aomine was shitting his pant, because Oh my God, this crap was real and forget the jail! all of them were going to die! _What if the devil wants ours lives as well? Who the fuck thought that making a deal with the devil was a good idea?_

And then the best outcome would mean he aided with Akashi's murder! The tanned boy didn't know how he could face his best friend again.

Kise and Momoi's eyes shined in anticipation, Mayuzumi muttered softly “Come, my waifu”

A blue light appeared in the center of the bloody circle, to slowly dim until an human shaped figure was left.

The new entry of the room had big wings in his back, black feathers like the darkest night and two long horns sprouted from his forehead. His skin was whiter than the snow, his round eyes and hair were of the color of the serene sky, his face was...

Kise, Momoi and Mayuzumi gaped, Aomine couldn't restrain a yell “Tetsu!”

Kuroko bowed “Good evening, Momoi-san, Kise-kun, Aomine-kun, Mayuzumi-san”

Kise still not accepting the reality of the situation asked “Why are you here, Kurokocchi? With those wings! And these horns...”

Kuroko, keeping his usual poker face, replied cool “Haven't you just summoned me? I work as Satan on Monday, Wednesday and Friday” he looked down and saw Akashi near his feet...

“Is Akashi-kun my sacrifice?”

No one had the courage to answer him... if Aomine before was shitting his pant, now he was near to have an heart attack, F _uck, Tetsu will kill us!_

Kuroko knelt down, then stood up carrying Akashi in a princess hold “Akashi-kun, stop to feign sleeping”

Akashi's scarlet orbs opened, showing he was awake all the time. He smiled, savoring his victory “I said I would find out your part-time job, Tetsuya” Rakuzan captain intertwined his arm on Kuroko's neck “You can't have secrets with me”

the teal haired demon sighed, he had the feelings he wouldn't be able to get rid of the redhead for the rest of his whole life, nevertheless he loved Akashi so he was okay with.

Kuroko stared at the other people inside the room “I accept your sacrifice” Akashi smirked at them “Thank you for the help _Kuroko Tetsuya fan club_ ” the two lovers vanished inside a blue light.

Silence fell in the room, even if Aomine felt he could finally breath, the worst was over.

Kise and Momoi didn't know how to react... they were so frustrated! They successful managed to sacrifice Akashi but the devil was Kuroko! They won the fight but lost the war! And they were thoroughly played around with!

_At least I have still the stuffed toy!_ Grinning, Momoi took out from her robe the teal headed doll wanting to hug it but suddenly it caught fire! There was a devise of self-destruction! _Stupid Akashi-kun!_ The girl raged inside.

Mayuzumi was disappointed as well, he hoped in a sexy devil all along but got the little brat! Suddenly a bulb lightened inside his head. He took out his phone from a pocket and sent a message to the younger phantom, _give me your fellow gorgeous devil workers' phone numbers,_ he surely will able to find his waifu!

Instead, Aomine yelled inside his mind, _I knew it!_ He always felt there was something of scary in the teal haired phantom, and wasn't for all the times he had an heart attack for his ghostly presence, he got jabbed in the ribs or the occasional ignite pass! Also, yet again, Akashi had shown he was worse than the devil itself! _This situation is so crazy that I could be a fucking angel without knowing it and wouldn't be even weird!_

“Kya! Dai-chan! What's happened to your back?” Satsuki screamed.

The tanned boy turned his head and saw a pair of pure white fluffy angel wings “Oh, shit”

Aomine fainted.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I wrote some chapters ago, I accept requests and prompt from the readers till they are AkaKuro/KuroAka and humor. Feel free to pm or a comment LOL   
> little spoiler: next chapter theme is “heroes”!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if lately I started a story in another fandom this doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my Kurobas stories! April and May my laptop died so I couldn’t write. However, this is a very busy period for me so chapters could be updated very late. Like I said last chapter, the theme this time is heroes!

_If the GOM were scouted as Sailor Scouts_

Aomine was so angry! Why should he endure such humiliation? It’s was that freaking black cat’s fault!

Akashi was fuming as well. Let’s putting aside the fact there were involved a talking cat, magical powers and evil enemies, why did they have to wear such a uniform!?

Murasakibara, wearing Sailor Mercury outfit, didn’t care and kept eating his snack. Midorima was still in denial of the whole thing. Kise, well… it was another story “I’m a superhero! Suuu”

Akashi sighed “Clearly, from the outfits we are wearing after the transformation, the recruits should have been girls… why us?”

“Yes, Satsuki has even pink hair! She would match so well with Sailor Moon’s costume!” Aomine added.

“You want to send young and frail girls to fight?! You monsters!” Luna, the cat, answered.

“And why the fuck I’m Sailor Mars? I’m blue, shouldn’t I be Sailor Mercury?” the tanned teenager protested.

“Like a brute as you could be Sailor Mercury. Sailor Mars is spot on” Midorima taunted him.

“Shut up! You don’t have the right to judge, since you have the right color, Sailor Jupiter! Your electricity attack is also wide range like your shoots!”

“I like being Sailor Mercury, Mine-chin. I don’t have to move” Murasakibara added.

“Daiki, following your reasoning, then I should be Sailor Mars. But I’m the leader, hence I’m Sailor Moon!” Akashi concluded.

“Akashicchi is right, Aominecchi! Do you think Murasakibaracchi would be a good Sailor Moon?” Kise asked him.

“Fuck you Kise!  You could pass for the real Sailor Venus with how much you match her role!”

“So mean, Aominecchi! I don’t look like her!” Kise cried.

“And Akashi, don’t tell me you really want to do this crossdressing Job?” Aomine insisted.

“Daiki is right. We don’t have time for such a foolishness. We refuse.” Akashi said to the cats.

The white cat replied “Such a pity. Kuroko-kun will have to fight alone then”

Akashi’s heterochromatic eyes widened “Tetsuya?”

The white cat nodded “He is fighting as Tuxedo Mask”

Akashi immediately replied “I will gladly be Sailor Moon. We accept the job”

“Fuck off Akashi! You can’t decide for me!” Aomine yelled.

Akashi threw him the “If you refuse you are going to wish to be one of the next victims since living will become too painful for you” glare.

“Power of Mars, yeee!” Aomine unwilling said. The others joined him. This was the birth of the new Sailor Scouts.

_Some missions later_

Inside a Warehouse, the Sailor Scout were facing the new monsters brought by the Nega Verse. Suddenly Akashi faked an injury and said “I’m hurt. Help” so monotonously you clearly can see he is pretending.

“Wow, I didn’t know Akashi can’t act. So, there is something he can’t do!” Aomine said.

Midorima yelled at him “Fool, of course Akashi can act! He could win the Oscar if he wanted! Only he doesn’t see the point to put any effort right now!”

When the leader of the monster was ready to attack him, a red rose pierced his hands. In the window above them, a boy wearing a black tuxedo and a white mask was staring at them. You could see his light blue hair under his top hat. He jumped and kicked the head of the biggest monster.

Akashi ran to him and hugged him “My Hero”

“Akashi-kun looks good as Sailor Moon. I like the skirt” Kuroko complimented him.

“Why don’t we explore the wonder of this outfit in somewhere of private?” with sultry eyes, Akashi suggested.

Kuroko took advantage of this temporary super strength to lift the redhead in a princess carry “Let’s go”

Akashi laughed amused.

“Fuck Akashi, Tetsu! You can’t leave us here with the monsters!” Aomine yelled at them.

“It’s true-suu! Only Sailor Moon can give the final blow!”

Akashi snorted “Right” still in his boyfriends’ arm, he shouted “Moon Tiara Magic!” he threw his tiara and turned all the monsters into sand “Let’s go now, Tetsuya”  

Tuxedo Mask nodded and left with his Sailor Moon.

The rest of the Sailor Scouts sweatdropped. Why the fuck they and the fate of the Universe are to be involved with their fucking foreplay?

Aomine wondered if he should burn this nonsensical world as an act of piety in the name of Mars.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Power Rangers AU_

Now the Ranger GOM were facing the last boss, after countless fights they finally reached the final battle!

Blue Ranger Aomine was eager to fight “The other opponents were too weak, let’s hope this one will bring a challenge!”

Pink Ranger Murasakibara wanted the battle to be already over so that he could eat at his home.

Yellow Ranger Kise begged with puppy eyes invisible under the helmet “Can I attack first, please?”  

Green Ranger Midorima said “Oha Asa predicted something of unforeseeable would happen, let’s be careful!” Maybe he was the only one really worrying about this world’s fate.

“How if someone would listen to the words of the Green Ranger” Aomine spitted.

“Shut up! At least I won’t be the eternal second after the Red Ranger!” Midorima retorted.

Red Ranger Akashi watched at them with amusement till the final boss knelt under him “My Lord”

Akashi smirked and outdone his transformation. The other rangers looked at him weirdly “What does this mean, Akashi!?” Midorima yelled.

Akashi laughed wickedly and threw his morpher to Aomine “Being the Red Ranger was fun till it lasted. The truth is I’m the Galaxy Emperor trying to conquest this world!” he glowed and changed his clothes in an emperor garb.

Midorima cursed, why Oha Asa was always right?

Murasakibara “Oh, so this is the reason no enemies dared to hit Aka-chin”

“I always thought because Akashicchi was too scary!” Kise yelled.

“What the fuck we do now? There was never such a case when the Power Rangers won without the Red Ranger!” Aomine complained.

“And the Red Ranger was the source of the evil all along” Midorima added.

Akashi smirked “Let’s start the final battle!”

Right at that moment, Kagami passed near them jogging. Not even the end of the world would disturb his training regime!

Aomine saw him and called him “Hey you!”

Kagami looked at him “What do you want?”

The Blue Ranger threw him the morpher “You have red hair. You can be the new Red Ranger!”

“Why should I? I have basketball club practices!”

Aomine pointed Akashi “Do you really want to live under his rule?”

Kagami looked at Akashi and the scary aura he emitted “Oh shit!” he transformed. “Power Ranger, Go!”

The five colored warriors launched their most powerful attack on the galaxy emperor. A minute later they were already on the ground defeated.

“Why the fuck he is so strong!” Kagami complained 

Akashi smiled. Only when the five rangers would be in danger, he would appear! The sixth ranger! Phantom Ranger!

“Look like you need my help” a monotonous voice was heard. Akashi felt an invisible energy coming toward him and evaded it. How could he avoid an invisible attack with zero presence on top? Oh well, because he was Akashi Seijuuurou of course!

On front of the fallen five, stood a man clad in black ranger outfit “Put your evil ambition aside, You fiend. Why are you trying to conquest this planet?” Pity his voice didn’t have any vigor.

Akashi’s scary aura become all flowery and he smiled shyly “Because I wanted to give it to you, Tetsuya. It’s my gift for our wedding”

Tetsuya rolled his eyes but smiled softly, really, he could never get mad at Akashi-kun “I don’t want this planet, Akashi-kun. I want their vanilla milkshakes. Enslaving Maji burger is enough”

“If this is what you want…” Akashi ordered to his monster servants “Let’s go to Maji burger!” he offered his hand to the Phantom Ranger. Kuroko gladly took it. The newly married couple walked toward the sunset and their next conquest! A chain restaurant! Thus, the world was safe again.

On the ground, four out of five fallen people (since for the last one this was a one-time thing) cried silently…  They fought all this time for nothing.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_One punch-man AU_

Akashi was bored. He already destroyed from L to Y city. Those heroes were boring as well, they didn’t give him any challenge. Wasn’t like he was battle thirsty, he wanted simply to show how much superior he was compared to the rest of world, but he could have a bit of fun, can he?

He walked in one of the street of the least popular city left, Z city. He used his cat like eyes to throw laser beams, one gold and the other ruby, and enjoyed destroying the surroundings. His eyes had also the power to see the future but not even his ability could help him to foresee what happened later.

After he destroyed a fast food named Maji burger he heard a soft startled cry. Akashi turned to see a man with soft looking clear sky blue hair and matched eyes. His features weren’t that remarkable, but not in the least ugly. His doe blue eyes were widened open like he couldn’t believe at what he was seeing…

“Today there was a sale of three milkshake at the price of one…” the blue haired man muttered. He looked at Akashi with hate “How could you?”

The villain stared at him smugly “Because I can” he walked toward the man and lifted his chin “I like the look in your eyes, do you want to hurt me? Do you hate me for what I have just done? Do you want to stop me? Why don’t you try?” he smirked.

The cerulean haired man’s eyes became emotionless, he said monotonously “Ignite pass” he punched Akashi in the stomach.

The redhead never felt a pain such like that before. He never felt a power like that. He used all his strength to keep his life and his consciousness awake after he hit the ground (creating more destruction to the city).

The blue haired man walked toward the fallen enemy and said “This was for my milkshakes”

Akashi, with the last strength he got, asked “Who are you?” he couldn’t believe there was someone stronger than he! And his foresee ability seemed useless against him. Why couldn’t he read this man’s future?

“Kuroko Tetsuya, employed by the Hero’s association. Now excuse me, but I have a basketball match to see on TV” Kuroko walked away toward his home.

Akashi savored the word “Kuroko Tetsuya” he found him. His soulmate. With a smile in his lips he fainted.

After Z city fiasco, Akashi took the hero’s exam. He wore a mask when he was a villain thus no one knew he was the man who almost took over the world some days prior. He successfully climbed the hierarchy. Tetsuya was stronger than he, thus he expected that Kuroko was the first ranked in S class. However, when he was promoted to S class, he couldn’t hide his disappointment. Tetsuya wasn’t among them. 

Akashi become soon after first of the S class. With the other four heroes, the former first seat Aomine Daiki, Midorima Shintaro, Murasakibara Atsushi and Kise Ryota, he formed what was known later as the “Generation of Miracles” team.

Nevertheless, Akashi was still gloomy. He didn’t have any other lead toward Kuroko. Did he exist at all? Was Kuroko only a fruit of his imagination?

Akashi walked with lingering sadness toward the place he met the sky blue haired man. Where before stood only destruction, now there was yet again a fast food restaurant running business. Akashi was astonished by the liveness of Z city people.

“You owe me three milkshakes” a soft monotonous voice said behind him.

Akashi smiled and turned to see the deadpanned face of Kuroko “I thought with your punch we were even”

Kuroko’s eyes took a mischievous glint “Well, you thought wrong”

Akashi’s smile widened even more “How about I will buy you milkshakes for the rest of our lives?”

_Omake_

After Akashi and Kuroko officially got together, since Kuroko didn’t want to move from Z city, Akashi brought the entire building where Kuroko’s little apartment stood and remodeled it to make their new home. However, Kuroko’s apartment remained untouched for the tealhead comfort.

The two of them were watching a basketball game, under the kotatsu. Akashi asked his lover “Tetsuya, you are stronger than me, and I’m first seat S class. Why aren’t you at the top of the Hero Association? I couldn’t find you even in the database. Are you really employed by them?”

“I am, Akashi-kun. I’m a C class hero”

“How is it possible? You are worth so much more!” Akashi was outraged.

“Because I have a weak presence, people don’t notice me defeating monsters. In the same way, even though I’m a C class hero, they forget to expel me as well for lack of hero work”

“This is a negligence from the Hero Association. It’s unacceptable. I will fill a lawsuit against them”

“It’s okay Akashi-kun. I don’t need fame. I’m working as a hero because I want it”

“Still, your work should be rewarded” Akashi smirked “Let this matter to me, Love” he kissed Kuroko’s forehead.  

This started the legend of the strongest hero known to man, plus the tales of his scary hero boyfriend and minions (aka GOM). 

 


End file.
